I know this is not ethically and morally right, but what can I do? I am mentally disturbed. Please help....
I am in love with my sister’s fiancé
Salam Guru,
I am an ardent fan of your column. I am a 20-year-old college-going girl. I belong to a middle-class family. Recently, my elder sister R, who is 24 years old, got engaged to our cousin, T. He is 27 years old and is well-settled. Guru, my problem is that I am attracted to T as he is very handsome. I have been in love with him since my childhood. I thought he also liked me and would marry me but he proposed to my sister. They are supposed to be married in December, this year. Guru, I am heartbroken. They have been engaged for two months now, but I can’t control my feelings, and still want him. T has always been friendly with me, but I don’t feel like talking to him at all now. I feel as if he has betrayed me. My sister has no idea that I have romantic feelings for my future brother-in-law. Guru, I know this is not ethically and morally right, but what can I do? I am mentally disturbed. Please help.
Girl in Love
Dear Girl in Love,
It has been observed that normally young girls have crushes on their cousins as they are the first males they are exposed to. Sometimes, girls get over their crushes but, in some cases, the mutual feelings blossom into steady relationships. In your case, your feelings were one-sided. T never claimed to love you, so you cannot blame him for being disloyal to you. You need to understand that he treated you as his cousin and nothing more. He never had feelings for you; otherwise, he would have proposed to you instead of your sister. Dear, accept the reality and think about your sister’s feelings. She would be hurt if she finds out you have a crush on her fiancé. T is going to be your brother-in-law, so you must behave nicely with him. In the meantime, try to keep yourself busy. Spend more time with your friends or indulge in productive activities, and I am sure it will divert your mind from T. Be happy for your sister. Hopefully, you will get over T, and will be happy for your sister. Good luck!
My dreams are shattered
Dear Guru,
I am a 19-year-old boy. I belong to a middle-class, educated family. Since my school days I wanted to become a soldier and serve my country. I have always been fascinated by men in uniform and I grew up watching movies based on war heroes. My father was in the Army, too, and I wanted to be like him. After I did my Intermediate, I applied for commission in the Army. I really worked hard to get through the test, but was refused on the grounds of unsatisfactory performance. I feel very dejected. My dream of joining Pakistan Army is shattered. Though my parents are very supportive, I don’t feel like doing anything. My father says that I should not lose heart and I still have many options, but I am extremely depressed. Please help.
Boy (not) in Uniform
Dear Boy (not) in Uniform,
Don’t be so upset, young man. You tried your best to join Pakistan Army, and I understand your despair. But, sometimes, what we want is not in our destiny. You are lucky to have affectionate and supportive parents who are there for you. Don’t neglect your education. I know many men who were eager to join Pakistan Army but when they couldn’t, they did not lose heart and turned their attention towards other fields. Today, most of them are successful bankers, businessmen, lawyers, etc., and they have no regrets. And then again, you can try for commission after doing graduation in a good field. Army needs teachers, doctors, engineers, IT people, etc., and you still have a shot at getting commission once you complete your studies. Even if you don’t get in the Army, it’s okay as there are so many things that you can still do to live a meaningful life. Good luck!
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