TRUST US

I am feeling guilty

Salam Guru,

I am a 22-year-old graduate girl. I belong to a middle-class family. We are three sisters and I am the youngest in the family. Both my sisters are happily married. I recently got engaged to my eldest sister’s brother-in-law, Z, who is 26 years old and is well-settled. Z was interested in me since many years but he wanted to build his future first, so he waited till the time he was in a position to ask for my hand, and my parents instantly agreed as he is not only good looking but very loving and well-mannered. We are going to get married in November this year. All my friends think that I am very lucky but, Guru, there is a hitch. Actually, when I was in college, I was having an affair with the most handsome boy of the college, R. We broke up as he was a flirt. I was very hurt but then over a period of time I came out of depression. Now, the problem is that Z is unaware of my past. Z is so sincere with me that he has even told me about his past girlfriends. He believes in sharing and fair play. I am kind of feeling guilty as I still haven’t told Z about R. He trusts me and I don’t want to break his trust. However, I am afraid he will break the engagement if he comes to know about my ex-boyfriend. And then my sister’s marriage can be affected by my broken engagement. What should I do?

Confused Girl

Dear Confused Girl,

A relationship is based on trust and honesty. And when there is dishonesty then there are bleak chances of surviving a solid relationship. The relationship between husband and wife can be strong and fragile at the same time. If you are going to hide secrets from your future hubby then how will you live in peace? You are feeling guilty as you know that you are not 100 percent faithful to your future hubby. Dear, first of all you need to muster courage to face the reality. It’s better to tell Z about R now rather than living in constant fear. Why are you thinking negatively? I have observed that these days boys are more broad-minded. May be Z will respect your honesty and will carry on this engagement, but if you marry him without telling him about your past and he comes to know about it from some other sources, he will feel cheated. My dear, don’t complicate things. Come clean; hopefully, Z will not react negatively. Good luck!

Am I a loser?

Hello Guru,

I am a 26-year-old guy. I belong to a middle-class family. I have done Master’s and I am a college lecturer. I am an able teacher and my students respect me a lot. I have good rapport with my fellow lecturers. But, Guru, my problem is that I am very thin and not that good-looking. Outside the college I am a loner. I am left out on most of the occasions and feel gripped by the complex of not dating a girl, especially when my fellow lecturers are following this trend at large. I really like my colleague, S. She is pretty but does not seem to be interested in me. Please tell me how to become better-looking and get people to accept me socially. Let me tell you I happen to be a reserved guy and don’t open up easily. Do you think I am a loser?

Dejected Soul

Dear Dejected Soul,

You don’t need to feel complexed about anything. You are an intelligent man. Don’t feel bad about yourself. You just need to work a bit on your physique to get in better shape. You must consult a nutritionist who can prepare a proper diet plan for you in order to gain weight. Along with that you should exercise to maintain your weight and build your muscles. Dating a girl is no big deal. May be girls don’t get attracted to you because of your reserved nature. I have seen lot of ordinary looking guys who are popular among girls not because of their looks but because of their interesting personalities. So, learn to communicate with people and don’t feel shy. If you talk confidently then people will pay attention. As far as S is concerned, just ignore her. You cannot really force anyone to like you. Trust me you will get your life partner soon. Good luck!

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