I love the guy I can’t be with
I really enjoy reading your column and love the way you solve people’s issues. I hope that you can help me too. I am a 22-year-old girl and am currently doing my undergraduate studies. I met a boy ‘A’ in my university and we became very good friends and our friendship developed into a romantic relationship. He is very talented and has a bright future ahead. He already earns on his own and is not dependent on his parents for meeting his daily expenses, even though he is just a student right now. The problem is that I am already engaged to an army officer. I have never met this guy and have only seen him in pictures. I don’t know his personality and his likes and dislikes. I have met his family, though, and they all seem very nice people. It was an arranged engagement, but I wasn’t forced by my parents to agree to it. Back then I didn’t know A, but I was never completely happy with this decision either. Guru, now I want to break this engagement and want to marry A. I know what I want is wrong but I am helpless against my feelings. I don’t want to break my parents’ trust but neither do I want to leave A and marry someone I don’t know at all. And I don’t have the courage to speak to my parents because I don’t want to disappoint them, and secondly my elder sister’s engagement wasn’t successful which has scared them already. What should I do?
Dear Confused Lover,
Life is strange. You never know what may happen next. The engagement took place after your consent and there was no pressure on you. Things were pretty okay till you met A and fell in love. Frankly speaking, you should not have developed feelings for A when you were already committed. Engagement has no legal value as such but in our society, especially in middle class families, engagement is a big deal. If you break your engagement then obviously it will break your parents’ trust and heart and if you go for arranged marriage then you will have to make few compromises and adjustments. So, before taking any decision you have to think hard about the pros and cons. Well, I don’t think right now A is in a position to marry you as he is still a student and will need few more years to settle down. On the other hand, your fiancé is well settled. If you don’t have the courage to face your parents, then it’s better if you say goodbye to your love and try to focus on your fiancé. He seems like a decent guy and his family is also nice. I am sure once you get to know him, you will start liking him. I know it won’t be easy for you to break up with A, but sometimes we have to take tough decisions for the sake of our family. This decision will benefit you in future. Right now, you are being emotional but few years down the road, you will thank Guru for giving you the wise advice; the rest is up to you. Good luck!
I am disheartened
I am a great fan of your column. I am 22 years old. Guru, I am in great depression. I wanted to become a doctor since my childhood, but my parents made me pursue Arts. That thing has created a complex inside me. One day, a girl said to me that I was probably not good at studies, so I had chosen arts. This made me even more depressed. Now, I am trying to prepare for competitive exam but I don’t know what has happened to me. No matter how much I try, I cannot focus on my studies. In order to reduce my depression, I have started watching dramas. Guru, I know it’s a total waste of time, but when I watch dramas, I feel better. I want to study hard but don’t know how. Please help me. This depression is killing me.
A Depressed Girl
Dear Depressed Girl,
There is nothing wrong with you. Medicine has its own value. but art subjects are no less important. Don’t feel depressed if you couldn’t become a doctor. Art is a vast field and you can make your name in your chosen field. It’s good that you are preparing for competitive exam but for that you have to divert your attention from dramas and focus on your studies. First you need to clear your thoughts, listen to some motivational speakers and get the guidelines. When you are out of depression, you will be able to study without any difficulty. Good luck!
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