She is so reserved
I am a great fan of your column. Your work is amazing. I am in a dilemma, and I hope you can solve it. My problem is related to my girlfriend, B. She belongs to a middle-class family. We have been together for four years. She is pretty, caring and humble. In general, she is a likeable person. I really enjoy her company and I know she is sincere with me. I am quite serious about her. But, Guru, there is a hitch. B is very reserved. I mean, whenever we are in company, she seems very comfortable but she tries to avoid going out with me alone. She happily goes with me to restaurants, picnics and cinema in a group but she never alone. Guru, despite being in a relationship for more than four years, I haven’t touched her. There is no physical chemistry between the two of us. Guru, I am very confused. Sometimes I feel she does not find me attractive enough at all, or maybe she does not trust me. I fail to understand her behaviour. Ours is a perfect relationship sans any physical touch. Do you think her behaviour is normal? Please help.
Dear Confused Lover,
Come on, young man, there is nothing to feel upset about. Our society is different from the western society where dating is a norm. Every society has certain morals and values and you have to keep that in mind. You shouldn’t be surprised at B’s attitude, and cannot blame her for behaving according to our societal norms. B is sincere with you and she loves you, so there is no reason to doubt her intentions. It’s not the matter of not trusting you; it’s a matter of her own values and principles. I think instead of grumbling, you should appreciate her character. If you are really serious about her, propose to her. I am sure she is also waiting for you to propose to her. So instead of wasting more time, propose to her. Good luck!
Should I take another chance?
I am 23 years old. I am a regular reader of your column and I have been reading it since I was in school. I am a graduate and work in a private firm. I was madly in love with my colleague, M. We had an affair for about two years and then one fine day she simply ditched me. Last month, she got engaged to her cousin who is a loaded guy. Guru, I am heartbroken. There is another girl in my office, R, who is very much interested in me. She told me she used to like me but since I was having an affair, she did not disclose her feelings. Now that I am single again, she wants to be friends with me. Guru, I am scared. I don’t want to be hurt again. They say you cannot forget your first love. M has broken my trust, now R wants to make some place in my heart. Should I allow her to do that? Should I take a second chance?
Lost In Love
Dear Lost in Love,
I can understand your feelings, young man. At every stage in life, you learn something as learning is a never-ending process. I know you are heartbroken right now, but haven’t you learned something out of this experience? A bitter lesson, right, but life does not end here. You learn from your bad experiences and move on. Same is the case with relationships; you leave toxic relationships and move on. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. May be M was not good enough for you and was never yours; just accept this fact. Who says one cannot fall in love again? It’s only a myth. In normal life, people fall in love, then get out of love and then fall in love again. It’s a circle of life. Like you have spring after winter. Don’t you think you have a right to live happily? If you like R, I suggest you give yourself another chance at happiness without any fear. Hopefully you won’t be disappointed this time.
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