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By US Desk
Fri, 01, 19

I have been reading your column since two years. I am a 16-year-old girl. I am an O level student and am good in studies.....

My parents are separated

Dear Guru,

I have been reading your column since two years. I am a 16-year-old girl. I am an O level student and am good in studies but am mentally disturbed these days. I belong to a middle class family. Guru, I am from a broken family. My father left us some two years ago. We were a happy family but since our father left us, everything has become complicated and gloomy. My mother is perpetually in depression and my 12-year-old younger brother has become very naughty and stubborn. Now we live in our maternal grand parents’ house, but it’s not like our own home. I miss my father so much. I don’t know why my parents have separated. My mother works in an office. My father came twice to my mother for reconciliation but she did not accept his offer. Of late, I have become very quiet and feel very lonely. There is no one to talk to. My mother is also the reserved type and she does not like to participate in family get-togethers. I guess I have inherited her nature. When someone comes to meet us I don’t talk much. I completely feel left out when in a gathering. Guru, I want to go back to my father. How can I convince my mother? Please help.

Lonely Girl

Dear Lonely Girl,

I can understand your dilemma. Your father left you at a time when you needed him the most. I don’t know the reasons behind your parents’ separation but what parents don’t realize is that in case of separation or divorce, the children have to pay a heavy price and they suffer the most. I think your father must have realized his mistake and now he wants a patch up. Now, the ball is in your mother’s court. I know she is badly hurt and no wonder she has rejected your father’s offer twice. Now, try to talk to your mother when she is in a good mood. Tell her how much you and your baby brother miss your father. May be she will change her mind. Let’s see whether she will forgive your father or not. But you should not lose heart. Keep in touch with your father and meet him whenever you get an opportunity. This is your age to enjoy life so instead of feeling lonely, try to mingle with people. Don’t depend on your mother for your happiness. Try to come out of your shell and start mixing with people. You will feel better. Good luck!

I am tired of their taunts

Salam Guru,

I am a regular reader of your column. I am a 21-year-old university going girl. I belong to a middle class family. My parents are very loving and simple and they trust me. But the problem is that I live in a joint family and my phuopo (aunt) and grandma interfere in my privacy. They are very conservative; they do not give me space for anything that I want to do. For instance, they keep an eye on my comings and goings. They always ask me irrelevant questions and give me lectures on what I should and shouldn’t do. They have an issue with my male friends. I do have few male friends, but we are friends only, because I know my limits. Their constant nagging, however, is compelling me to retaliate. I spend my whole day in the university just to avoid the comments and taunts of my aunt and grandma. There is no one who takes my side, not even my parents. I am really depressed. Please help me out, and tell me what I should do.

Agitated Girl

Dear Agitated Girl,

Take it easy, girl. Don’t get irritated by your aunt and grandma’s behaviour. They are from old school of thought and you cannot change their thinking pattern. For your own peace of mind, just ignore their comments. You are a sensible girl, so deal with them patiently. They actually mean no harm and feel protective about you. If you think positively, in a way this is their way of showing affection towards you. They are caring in their own unique way. However, if you are really bothered then the best way to deal with them is to talk to your parents. You are lucky to have loving parents. Let them know how you really feel about this whole issue. Tell them you need your space, too. Let them talk to your aunt and grandma in a diplomatic manner. So, my girl, be tolerant towards them and don’t retaliate; after all, they are your elders and deserve respect. A word of advice: stop thinking too much and concentrate on your studies. When in your room alone, listen to soft music to loosen your nerves.

Good luck!

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