I am a 21-year-old boy from a well-off but conservative family. My problem is quite complicated.....
I want to play my cards now
Hello Guru,
I am a 21-year-old boy from a well-off but conservative family. My problem is quite complicated. Guru, I am a victim of centuries old brutal customs. In our family, early marriages are a norm. My father got me married to my younger cousin when I was in class 10th. It was a forced marriage. I did not want to marry at such a young age, but had to because of family pressure. I have been married for five years now. I have two children, but am not happy with my life. My wife is an illiterate, simple woman. I don’t hate her, but I don’t love her either as she does not match my mental level.
I am in university now. There is this girl in my university who is very pretty and I have fallen in love with her. Guru, since childhood I have always wanted to marry an educated girl. My father has given me permission to go for second marriage. Since money is not an issue, I can keep two wives comfortably. Though this girl is from a different sect, I am ready to marry her. The only problem is that she does not know I am already married with two kids. I don’t want her to think of me as a liar or cheater. Do you think she will judge me? Secondly, I have to convince my family, too. Since they are too conservative it will be difficult for them to accept someone from a different sect. Please tell me how to go about it. Guru, this time I am not going to sacrifice my love. I have sacrificed once for the sake of my family, but this time I want to play my cards right.
Chained Boy
Dear Chained Boy,
It is unfortunate that despite living in this modern era, some people in our society still cling to centuries old cruel customs. So many young boys and girls fall prey to these vicious customs every year. Pakistani laws presently mandate that the minimum age for marriage is 18 years for a male and 16 for a female. You were pressurised to get married when you and your wife were underage. Of course, it was a marriage of convenience as your elders probably did not want the wealth or property to go out of family and they scarified two innocent lives without even thinking twice about their mental compatibility and liking for each other.
Now, you want to marry your love. Well, you are justified and have the right to go for a second marriage, but have you thought about your poor wife? She is also a victim, but she has accepted you as her man and has given you two children. Do you think it is her fault if she is not educated? All this time you have been thinking about your own happiness but have you thought even once about your wife? Don’t you think you are being selfish?
My dear, if you are ready to take a stand for your love who is from a different sect, then why can’t you take a stand for your wife? You want an educated wife so why not educate your own wife instead of bringing someone from outside? Why do you want to complicate your life? You can have a happy life with your own kids and wife if you want. Your wife and kids need your attention and love too. Think it over with a cool mind. At the end of the day, the choice is yours.
Good luck!
She is already engaged
Salam Guru,
I am a regular reader of your column. I love the way you explain things to young people. Guru, I am 22 years old. I am a graduate and am working in a private firm. I have plans to do my Masters as a private candidate as I want to upgrade myself for a more prestigious job. My problem is that I am in love with my colleague, S. She is very pretty. She is friendly with me. Some days back, I asked her to marry me, but was shocked when I got to know she is already engaged. Guru, it’s been a week and I am still in grief. Should I tell her to break her engagement, although she seems happy with her fiance? I don’t know what to do. Please help.
Romeo in Tears
Dear Romeo in Tears,
I can understand your feelings but you need to look at the scenario realistically. It’s your tough luck that the girl you liked turned out to be engaged. You were not having an affair with S, so you cannot blame her. She is happily engaged so there is no point asking her to call off her engagement. Just take it in your stride and try to concentrate on your job. Good luck!
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