COMIC RELIEF

                                         

                                                                                                                  Jail time

My daughter hates school.

One weekend, she cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday.

Sunday morning on the way home from brunch, the crying and whining built to a crescendo.

At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, “Honey, it’s a law. If you don’t go to school, they’ll put daddy in jail.”

She looked at me, thought for a moment, then asked, “How long would you have to stay?”

                                                                                       School notes

These are the real notes written by parents to the Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.)

• My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
  
• Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
  
• Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
  
• Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
  
• Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
  
• Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
  
• Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
  

                                                                                       The hot shot

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man coming into the outer office. Wishing to appear a hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines!”

Compiled by Usama Rasheed