COMIC RELIEF

Things to ponder

• I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
• The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
• There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
• Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
• Some people are like Slinkies. . . not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
• All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
• How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Turf war

Even with a thousand games, dolls and crafts to choose from, my customer at the toy store still couldn’t find a thing for her grandson.

“Maybe a video or something educational?” I asked.

“No, that’s not it,” she said.

We wandered the aisles until something caught her eye — a laser gun with flashing lights and 15 different high-pitched sounds.

“This is perfect,” she said, beaming. “My daughter-in-law will hate it.”

Billionaire’s

birthday party

A billionaire decides to throw a massive party on his 50th birthday. During the party, he grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion there is a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.

“I will give anything to the person who swims across that pool,” he says.

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests run to the pool to see what has happened. A man is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping. This guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him. He reaches the end and gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, “I am a man of my word. Anything of mine — my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything — for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, sir, what will it be?”

The guy grabs the mic and says, “Why don’t we start with the name of the idiot who pushed me in!”

 

Compiled by Usama Rasheed