It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA as they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
The impossible task
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA as they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
As they were celebrating, Dr Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone and spoke on it. “Mr President,” said Dr Lowenstein, grinning broadly, “after 12 years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars.”
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.
He said, “But that’s impossible. We could never do it. Yes, Mr President!” and hung up the phone.
He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. “I have some bad news,” he said, “the President said that now we’ve found intelligent life on Mars, he wants us to try and find it in Congress.”
When coding goes wrong
A big party is being held to honour relational database systems and their impact on modern society.
Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests.
The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by four people.
Host: “Who have you brought along?”
Oracle: “I have four DBA’s in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost.”
A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people.
Host: “Who have you brought along?”
DB2: “I have two DBA’s, two hardware specialists, and 36 consultants.”
A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own.
Host: “Why haven’t you brought anyone?”
SQL Server: “I didn’t bring anyone because I am easy to install and I am basically self-managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan.”
20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved and untidy.
Host: “Where have you been MySQL?”
MySQL: “Sorry, I thought it was February 31st!”
Blonde at a movie theatre
I went to watch a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started working her way out. “Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me!”
By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and was a little impatient, so I said, “Couldn’t you have done this a little earlier?”
“No!” she said in a loud whisper, “the ‘TURN OFF YOUR CELLPHONE PLEASE’ message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car.”
