I blame myself for not being more reserved with W, but I had no idea I was encouraging him....
My sister’s fiancé is flirting with me
Dear Guru,
I am a 22-year-old university student, and I belong to an affluent family. My older sister works in a bank, and last year she got engaged to her colleague, W. W is quite good-looking and very good company. Soon I was at ease with him, and, thinking that he was to be my brother-in-law soon, I began joking with him. Unfortunately, I think he got the wrong signals and has been trying to flirt with me! I don’t know what to do without hurting my sister, so I have not told her anything. I blame myself for not being more reserved with W, but I had no idea I was encouraging him. I cannot discuss this issue with anyone else. Guru, please tell me what to do. Please help.
Scared Sister
Dear Scared Sister,
You are in a very delicate and awkward situation, and it’s understandable that you feel anxious. Please don’t blame yourself for W’s behaviour. Being friendly does not give anyone the right to overstep boundaries. W’s behaviour is his responsibility, not yours. The most important thing right now is to protect yourself and keep your distance from W. Be polite but firm with him. Stop joking with him, and avoid being alone with him. Make sure that you meet him when your family members are present.
If he tries to flirt again, make it clear, very calmly and politely, that you respect him as your future brother-in-law and become uncomfortable with his behaviour. Telling your sister about his behaviour could cause unnecessary hurt and tension. However, if W continues or becomes persistent despite your clear signals, you must tell your mother and let her handle the matter.
Good luck!
My friend wants me to help her cheat
Dear Guru,
I am a 15-year-old girl in grade 9. My problem is related to my best friend, B. We have been together since grade 1. B has always been unserious about her studies, while I have always been a responsible student, so my teachers like me. Of late, B has become interested in boys. Guru, you know it is not considered proper in our culture to be ‘more than friends’ with boys, so I tried to make her understand that she should concentrate on her studies and stop going out with them. She comes to school in the morning and then goes out with a particular boy almost three times a week. Her studies are suffering, and in the last geometry test, she asked me to show her my paper. When I refused, she stopped talking to me. I tried to explain that cheating is a serious offence in our school and that we could even be expelled, but she doesn’t listen. My friend is not the same anymore. Guru, I am very upset. I have no other friend. What should I do?
Upset Friend
Dear Upset Friend,
You’ve done the right thing by refusing to help your friend cheat; it shows your integrity and strength of character. Right now, it’s best to give B some space. At present, B does not realise that her actions could have serious consequences. Continue being friendly but don’t let her behaviour drag you down. Don’t compromise on your values. You gave her sincere advice, and sooner or later she will realise it.
Try to open up to other classmates, even if it feels awkward at first. It is possible you will make new friends who share your seriousness about studies. If B eventually realises her mistake, forgive her. But don’t lose yourself trying to please her. You’ve acted wisely and maturely. Keep it up!
Good luck!
I have feelings for my father’s friend
Hello Guru,
I am a 16-year-old girl. My problem is that I am in love with my father’s friend, R. He is 45 years old and is very nice and good-looking. Guru, I can’t even think of spending my life without him. I just don’t know what to do.
My friends think I am being silly and that it is just infatuation which will fade away soon. But they have no idea how deeply and strongly I feel for him. I know this love is one-sided, and R is already married. His daughter is in my class, and I meet him when he comes to pick her up from school. I admit the age difference is a big issue in our case, yet I just can’t stop loving him. He means everything to me, and I feel I will not live if I can’t have him. I will do something to end my life. Please help me.
Girl Madly in Love
Dear Girl Madly in Love,
It’s natural at your age to develop feelings for someone older and worldly, especially someone with a good personality, but what you are feeling is infatuation, not love. Even if right now it feels impossible to believe, you will get over it. R is a married man, and becoming emotionally attached to him will only bring you pain and guilt.
Try to distance yourself. Avoid situations where you might see him often and focus your attention on your studies, hobbies, and friends. The more time you spend on your education and pastimes, the less time you will have to think about R. Please don’t think about harming yourself, and talk to someone you trust: your parents, a teacher, or a school counsellor. Life is a precious gift from God and we must thank Him for it and appreciate it.
You are still very young and hopefully will find someone closer to your age at the right time. Until then, take care of yourself and don’t think about harming yourself.
Good luck!
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