I am a 14-year-old schoolgirl. My problem is that I am a compulsive eater and love scrumptious food....
My sister is in depression
Dear Guru,
I am a 24-year-old girl from a middle-class family. I recently got engaged to the son of my father’s friend. We plan to get married early next year. My problem is related to my younger sister, F, who is 19. F has always been considered the beauty of the family, and she started receiving proposals when she turned 15. However, my father refused them all, saying he wanted her to complete her graduation before considering marriage.
Last year, my maternal aunt, who lives in America, came to Pakistan and somehow convinced my father to accept the proposal of her son, J, who is a software engineer. F developed feelings for J and was very happy. About three months ago, J broke off the engagement without giving any reason and soon after married another girl in the U.S. My sister was shattered and became depressed. When I got engaged, it had a very negative impact on her. She has become bitter and often taunts me. She used to be very close to me and confided in me about everything, but now she hardly talks. When I try to start a conversation, she replies in monosyllables.
She believes that J was blackmailed by that girl into marrying her and that he will get rid of her and come back. My sister does not understand that J is no longer interested in her. Even after three months, she still misses him and cries every night. Being her elder sister, I feel deeply sad for her. Now, a good proposal has come for her, but she is unwilling to consider marriage. My parents are worried and have asked me to talk to her since we were once close, but since my engagement she seems to resent me. Guru, please tell me how I can help her.
Troubled Sister
Dear Troubled Sister,
Your concern for F is natural. You are not only her sister but also her confidante. Right now, F is heartbroken and emotionally vulnerable, so she is not thinking rationally. It takes time to recover from a broken engagement, especially when love was involved. Three months is too short a period for her to move on. Your parents should give her time and space to heal. She is still emotionally attached to J and therefore not ready to accept anyone else at present. What she needs most right now is empathy, not pressure. Be patient and avoid discussing marriage or new proposals with her. Instead, talk to your parents and help them understand that forcing her into another proposal too soon could worsen her condition.
Continue to show love and concern even if she behaves rudely. Don’t take her bitterness personally, as it’s a reflection of her pain rather than her feelings towards you. Try to engage her in small, comforting activities such as watching a film together, shopping for your wedding, or simply talking about light topics. These can gently help her reconnect with life.
Also, encourage F to complete her studies. She is only 19 and has her whole life ahead of her. Once she becomes busy with college life, she will have less time to dwell on J. If her sadness and withdrawal persist, your parents should consider counselling. Sometimes a neutral person, such as a therapist, can help her process grief and disappointment more effectively, as it is often easier to share one’s pain with a stranger than with loved ones.
With time, understanding, and your support, F will heal. Once she regains confidence and emotional balance, she will be able to think about her future with a clearer mind. Until then, just be there for her as a loving sister.
Good luck!
I love food too much
Dear Guru,
I am a 14-year-old schoolgirl. My problem is that I am a compulsive eater and love scrumptious food. I used to be slim but have put on weight. I want to lose weight, but I can’t resist food. Guru, my mother has cut down my allowance so I cannot order food I like! I don’t have enough money to order pizza or burgers more than once a week. My mother wants me to eat homemade food, but I don’t like it. Because I don’t have enough pocket money, ordering food whenever I want is not an option anymore. I don’t know what to do. I am so upset. Please suggest something.
Food Lover
Dear Food Lover,
At your age, it’s perfectly natural to enjoy tasty food; everyone does! But it’s good that you’ve noticed the effects of your eating habits and want to do something about them. Eating in moderation does not harm anyone, so having food like pizza or burgers once in a while is perfectly all right. However, homemade food is much healthier than the food you order online. Try learning how to make your favourite snacks at home. Cook the recipes with your mother, and I’m sure you’ll be very satisfied with what you prepare yourself.
Also, try to find other things that make you happy besides eating, such as cycling, walking, drawing, or listening to music. Often, we eat simply because we are bored. Keeping yourself active and busy will make you feel better and more confident. It’s great that your mother is encouraging you to eat healthy food. Instead of arguing with her, try working together to plan meals that are both nutritious and tasty. Since you are very young, you will lose the excess weight in no time but please understand that your aim shouldn’t be just to lose weight but to develop healthy eating habits for life.
Good luck!
Kindly send your problems at: us.mag@thenews.com.pk
