I understand how painful it must be to have feelings for someone who is already engaged, especially when that person is part of your family....
My sister is selfish
Dear Guru,
I am an 18-year-old college-going girl, and my problem is that I am in love with my oldest sister’s fiancé, S. When my oldest sister was born, my maternal aunt told my mother she would make my sister her daughter-in-law. The engagement ceremony took place a few months ago with the mutual consent of my sister and my cousin, and they are to be married once my sister completes her Master’s degree.
S is very handsome and accomplished, and when he got engaged to my sister, I tried hard to dismiss him from my mind. But since he is my cousin, I keep running into him at family gatherings and whenever he visits our house to meet my sister. I finally asked my sister to break off her engagement with S because I love him more than she does. Instead of understanding me, my sister became furious, called me a villain, and threatened to tell my parents everything. She said S is like my brother - which I don’t agree with, as she isn’t married to him yet - and told me to focus on my studies and forget him.
Guru, I don’t think I’m being stupid. All I want is to marry the man I love. I’m very upset and don’t understand why my sister is being so unreasonable. She now treats me like her enemy. I thought she loved me, but she clearly doesn’t. If she did, she would have broken her engagement for me. She is just mean and selfish and she cares only about her happiness. Please tell me how I can convince her to give up S, as I love him more. I also don’t want her to tell my parents about my feelings. What should I do?
Upset Sister
Dear Upset Sister,
I understand how painful it must be to have feelings for someone who is already engaged, especially when that person is part of your family. However, you need to accept that your sister and S were both free to decide and chose each other willingly. Their engagement wasn’t forced upon them; it was made with their mutual consent. Had S shared your feelings, he would have said so before getting engaged. Since he didn’t, it is clear that he respects and loves your sister. Trying to come between them will only hurt everyone involved, including you.
You are still very young, and what you’re feeling is most likely infatuation rather than love. It’s natural to admire someone kind, confident, and good-looking, but true love involves respect, patience and acceptance, and even if you love him, it is clearly one-sided. Your sister is not your enemy, as she’s protecting you from making a mistake that could damage family relationships. Had she been mean or vengeful, she would have gone straight to your parents and told them about your feelings for her fiancé. She is not being selfish; it is quite possible that she and S have developed genuine feelings for each other, especially since they have known for a long time that they were meant to be together.
So, instead of dwelling on these feelings, focus on your studies and hobbies. Spend time with friends and engage in activities that make you feel good. With time, your emotions will settle, and you’ll realise that this was just a passing phase. Be patient with yourself, and don’t let temporary feelings ruin your bond with your sister or your peace of mind.
Good luck!
I want to improve my concentration span
Dear Guru,
I am a 14-year-old boy. I am an average student, but I want to become an outstanding one. The only problem is my short concentration span. A girl in my class, whom I like, is brilliant and always secures one of the top three positions in exams. I want to impress her. Can you suggest how I can improve my concentration?
Hopeful Guy
Dear Hopeful Guy,
It’s great that you want to improve yourself. To boost your concentration, set small study goals and take short breaks after every 30 to 40 minutes. Keep your phone and distractions away while studying. Get enough sleep, eat healthy and exercise regularly, as these habits improve focus. Most importantly, study to learn, not to impress others. With steady effort, your grades - and confidence - will both improve.
Good luck!
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