It feels like I’m stuck in the middle - expected to act mature, but not given the trust or freedom to grow. Do to think it is wrong to want a little independence?
Stuck in the middle
Dear Guru,
I’m a 12-year-old girl, and I feel like I have no freedom at all. My parents often say they are raising me the same way their parents raised them, but it doesn’t seem to fit in today’s world. I’m not trusted to make even the smallest decisions on my own. I’ve never been allowed to go anywhere without them or speak freely. Whenever I try to express myself, I’m told to stay quiet. I can’t dress the way girls my age do or read the books I like - my mother decides everything for me. To make things more confusing, my parents sometimes tell me I’m a big girl and should behave responsibly, but when I ask for something small, like watching a movie or choosing my clothes, I’m told I’m too young. It feels like I’m stuck in the middle - expected to act mature, but not given the trust or freedom to grow. Do to think it is wrong to want a little independence?
Uncertain Girl
Dear Uncertain Girl,
What you’re feeling is completely valid. It’s natural at your age to want some independence and the chance to make your own choices. Growing up means learning how to think for yourself, and to do that, you need guidance - not control. Your parents may believe they’re protecting you, but it’s important for them to understand that you’re growing up in a different time, where children need space to build confidence and learn responsibility. Try talking to them when they are in a good mood - maybe when you’re helping with chores or spending time together. Gently explain that you appreciate their care but want to start learning how to make small decisions on your own, like picking out a book or choosing clothes for the weekend. If it feels too hard to talk to them directly, consider writing them a letter. You can also keep a private journal to help manage your feelings and figure out what kind of independence matters most to you. Remember, asking for space to grow doesn’t mean you don’t love or respect your parents - it means you’re ready to start becoming your own person. And that’s something every child deserves.
Good luck!
My class fellow is mean
Dear Guru,
I am a 19-year-old college student from a middle-class background, and I’m facing a difficult situation with one of my classmates, D, who sits next to me in class. D is a mean-spirited and spiteful person. She often treats me with contempt and talks badly about the other girls in our class behind their backs. She also makes disrespectful and inappropriate remarks about our teachers, which makes me uncomfortable. What bothers me even more is that she frequently tries to copy my notes and even attempts to cheat during tests by looking at my answers. I feel anxious around her, but I am too afraid to complain to the teacher because I know she could make my life miserable if she finds out. I’ve seen how vindictive she can be, and I worry she might start spreading false stories about me or turn others against me. I don’t want to be unkind or create unnecessary conflict, but I genuinely don’t know how to politely ask her to stop involving me in her gossip and leave me alone. I just want to focus on my studies and maintain my peace of mind.
Upset Girl
Dear Upset Girl,
In situations like this, it’s important to protect your boundaries while staying calm and composed. Since you don’t want to be rude or provoke her, try using subtle and non-confrontational language. For example, when she starts gossiping or speaking ill about others, you can gently say something like, “Talking about people behind their backs makes me feel uncomfortable.” This sends a clear message without sounding like an accusation. When it comes to copying notes or cheating during tests, keep your materials covered and avoid eye contact during exams. You can also begin studying in a different spot in the classroom when possible -perhaps by swapping seats with a friend or choosing a different row - so that you’re not seated next to her all the time. If she questions the change, you can say you just wanted a change of view, or are finding it hard to focus from that spot. If things escalate or you continue to feel threatened, quietly speak to a trusted teacher or counsellor in private and explain the situation without directly naming her at first. Your safety, peace of mind, and education come first. You’re not being unkind - you’re simply protecting your space and making sure you're not dragged into negativity you didn’t ask for.
Good luck!
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