Should I go ahead with the relationship for the sake of loyalty, or should I walk away and risk hurting her?
He doesn’t care for me anymore
Dear Guru,
I am a 24-year-old woman working in a digital marketing firm. About a year and a half ago, I started liking a coworker, S. In the beginning, he was incredibly affrctionate and made me feel valued, both personally and professionally. However, over the past few months, I've sensed a growing distance between us. He no longer initiates conversations, avoids lunch breaks with me, and rarely replies to my texts unless it's work-related. When I tried to talk about it, he brushed it off, saying he's under a lot of pressure and needs space. But his coldness is becoming unbearable. To make things worse, he now finds faults in almost everything I do. Even minor things turn into arguments. One of my closest friends thinks he's lost interest and advised me to move on before I completely lose my confidence. But I still care deeply for him, and the idea of ending things breaks my heart. I'm stuck between hope and heartbreak. What should I do?
Lost and Confused
Dear Lost and Confused,
It’s incredibly painful when someone who once made you feel so cherished and special starts ignoring you so callously. It’s understandable that you’re holding onto hope because, after all, you’ve been attached to him for a while and have a bond with him, but it’s also important to recognize when a relationship starts deteriorating. Your friend’s concern is valid. Someone who consistently devalues your presence is not someone you should keep prioritizing. However, before making a final decision, have one candid conversation with S and calmly express how his behavior is affecting you. Ask S where he stands emotionally. If he continues to dismiss your feelings or refuses to communicate openly, it’s a sign that the relationship is no longer mutual. Love shouldn’t feel like begging for attention. You must maintain your self-respect, create some distance, and focus on yourself and your career. Sometimes, stepping away helps you see things with greater clarity, and gives others a chance to realize your worth too.
Good luck
I don’t want to hurt her
Dear Guru,
I’m a 27-year-old software engineer working in a multinational company. I’ve been in a relationship with a college friend, N, for nearly five years now. We are also neighbours and have been through a lot together - job struggles, family issues, and even supported each other during illnesses. She’s thoughtful, patient, and loves me very much. Initially, I was proud to be with someone so grounded, but lately, I find myself drifting away. I’ve started feeling bored and disconnected. I don’t feel excitement when I meet her, like I used to. Also, N doesn’t take much interest in dressing up or socialising, while I’ve become more outgoing and style-conscious. I know this sounds shallow, but I’ve begun to feel we’re mismatched in terms of lifestyle and outlook. Our families are aware of our relationship, and we’ve even talked about marriage. I feel guilty for thinking of ending it, but I can’t ignore my lack of feelings for her anymore. I still care for her deeply, but I don’t feel the love I had for her. Should I go ahead with the relationship for the sake of loyalty, or should I walk away and risk hurting her?
Conflicted Soul
Dear Conflicted Soul,
It’s natural for feelings to change over time, and your honesty about your emotional shift is commendable. However, don’t confuse the absence of excitement with the absence of love. Long-term relationships often move past the ‘excitement’ phase and settle into something stronger and deeper like companionship, trust and shared goals. What you’re experiencing might be a clash between fantasy and reality. If you’re chasing an ideal of glamour, remember that those things are temporary and fade over time, but love and loyalty don’t. That said, forcing yourself to stay out of guilt isn’t fair to either of you. Before making any decision, reflect on whether it’s truly her personality that feels incompatible or if you’re reacting to external influences and boredom. A heart-to-heart conversation with N might help you rediscover what brought you together in the first place. But if, after serious thought, you still feel you’re not right for each other, it’s better to part now than to carry regret later. Be honest, but also be kind because she deserves that.
Good luck
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