* What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
* Why are accountants so cool, calm, and collected?
They have strong internal controls.
* What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
* What do accountants like most about the weekends?
They get to wear casual clothes to work!
* What do actuaries do to liven up their parties?
Invite an accountant.
* What do you call an accountant without a calculator?
* Why did Sherlock Holmes get audited by the IRS?
He had too many deductions.
To celebrate Halloween, the classic Halloween monsters decided to throw a party. At full swing, some of the monsters decided to have a drink and sit down.
The werewolf said, “I can’t believe everyone came!”
Dracula chuckled and said, “Yes, this is a good party.”
Frankenstein’s monster then noticed something.
“Hey, the skeleton didn’t show up!”
“Maybe he had *no body* to go with”, remarked the swamp monster.
This caused some laughter from the monsters, before the Jack-O Lantern, who prided himself on accuracy, angrily stopped them.
“No, no, NO!” yelled the Jack-O Lantern. “It was the GHOST who had nobody to go with! The skeleton didn’t have the guts!”
An old man is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says.
“Have you tried counting sheep?” inquires the doctor.
“That’s the problem — I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”