Unsolicited advice

MANAGEMENT

Perhaps we as a society outclass all others when it comes to offering advice. We have a special penchant for it. Advice, we consider is a religious duty to offer or even thrust it upon others. The ‘advice’ is available from all and sundry, regardless of the topic, area or subject. Consequently, we have in electronic and print media, a galaxy of experts, offering without asking a cheque for it, advice to give to the government and public office holders on subjects as diverse as defence to oceanography and form mal-nutrition to foreign affairs; where mostly these self-styled experts, don’t know the ‘D’ of defence or ‘F’ of foreign affairs. Be it social, economic, political, or the religious sphere, you name it and there is instant unwanted advice available on their palms. Robert Burton, “In the anatomy of Melancholy”, says, “Who cannot give good counsel? It is cheap, it costs nothing.”

Those offering advice actually emerge with an air of superiority; from a position of authority, presumed knowledge and a very strong ego, to get onto the pedestal of being better than the surroundings.

The centrality of this position taking is actually to belittle the recipients. All managers, day in and day out, do nothing, except offer “advice’. (I am not in exclusion from this class).

In giving advice, the ‘giver’ presumes of his strong urge to thrust his advice upon others, because he/she considers the recipient to be filled with weakness; what is totally negated here, is the possibility that the “giver of advice” may be passing over his own weaknesses.

Colleagues share their views, dreams, aspirations and frustrations to vent, the pent up feelings and not to be told what to do about it. They want to be heard, not berated and insulted with a pack of “advice(s)”. Must people love to rant about every single word heard or said? Their comment they believe is an absolute necessity. In such a working environment colleagues go into a silent mode. They begin to stifle their thoughts at the expense of creativity. They refuse to share, their feelings on a product, service or even management for fear of being inflicted with “advice”.

Bad advice is the worst enemy. Not all advice can be good. An advice that may not be good for the gander, can be good for the goose. Most times, advice is on the table with a motive. The intention can be good or bad. Irrespective, the advice therefore is with an in-built, intention.

This may not be in harmony with autonomous thinking. To many, in any organisation, giving advice becomes a second nature…. You mention to them, you have a headache, they will in true doctor-style suggest which pills to take; or say you have a problem with your car – mechanic and they will lay before you, their good experience with such and such mechanic... I have actually heard, male colleagues giving advice on how to handle ‘morning sickness’ to female colleagues that is usually given in relation to how their wives handled it… Loathsome behaviour! Rarely does advice given sincerely turns out to be the heralding of success and satisfaction to the recipient.

In dealing with unwarranted advice, it is best to recall school reading of Aesop fables, with its afterthought, moral, attached to the story. In The Fox & The Goat, “Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties” or in The Fox without a Tail, “Distrust interested advice”. There is an Italian proverb, teeth placed before the tongue give good advice. It is an easy thing for one whose foot is on the outside of calamity; to give advice and to rebuke the sufferer.

Advice is invariably given freely and is one of the single constant on the social index that is always in abundant supply. There is no shortage; not even artificial. It is so, because there cannot be an easier thing to do, then to passing of wisdom by the ignorant and the unwise. If Eskimos decide to give advice to those who live in or around, the Sahara Desert, of how to cope with heat wave, then divinity alone can intervene to help.

Advice that propels thinking is the best advice, because it comes without in-built solutions. ‘Advice is a stranger, stays for the night if welcomed and if not welcomed, he returns home the same day’. Sometimes giving of advice, especially, that is anchored in truth, can actually create an army of foes. None like to hear the truth and that is true. It is also a folly to give advice to him who the world adores. (Imran Khan is a classic case in point).

Those who sell / offer “advice”, normally carry it on their sleeve. They never care to look inwardly. To do so is expensive, because such introspection sheds light on the dark areas of our existence that we love to keep in a dark isolated environment; and not to indulge in self-examination doesn’t cost anything – hence cheap. We love to censure through advice but rarely are willing to get or receive advice.

Two Danish proverbs, in this context, that are my favourites are, “Advice after injury is like medicine after death,” and still better, “He who builds to every man’s advice will have a crooked house”. Giving advice, the unsolicited particularly is the royal road to the summit of ignorance. Advice must be backed up for impact by example, a parable or even a living experience.

On the subject of how, when, where and to whom advice should be considered to be given, it is best to be guided by what a former president of USA, Harry Truman had said in a televised interview, I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

Advice must remain within the realm of being an institutional art, for it possesses the potential of realising great dreams that may remain unearthed and are only thrown-up, when distributed by a provocative suggestion.

Advice must be offered on request and with much reluctance. Never carry your ‘wisdom’ on a fruit platter, to those who may visit you. Listen and say least.

The writer is a freelance columnist