MANAGEMENT
Imagine if Winston Churchill whilst giving his famous speech to the House of Commons were to say, ‘We shall fight on the beaches possibly, we shall fight on the landing grounds may be, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets potentially, maybe we shall fight in the hills; perhaps we shall never surrender’. What impression and message would this statement convey regarding the conviction of this leader?
There is a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive. Yelling on top of your lungs and banging the fists on the table as well as swearing is not assertive.It borders on being aggressive, rude and downright bullying. A behaviour though prevalent in many organizations but it is most disruptive for productivity and growth.
People who sport such behaviour may justify it as their protective armour but it actually tends to alienate others. Also these traits often lead to professionals being passed up for a promotion.Often this is a good enough reason for being disliked and avoided by coworkers and peers.
To the contrary there are some who are often unsure of themselves. They keep apologising over the smallest of aspects ie occasions where it is absolutely unnecessary to say the word ‘sorry’. For example before speaking up at all, the first word they say is ‘sorry’ or whilst raising a question they begin with a statement which comes across as ‘sorry but I have a question’. How does having a question call for an apology? When asked for an opinion they gingerly progress with their sharing views and are concerned over the fact that they might offend anyone with their version of thoughts or that their views would be turned down instantly.Often these people are uncomfortable with sharing their ideas because their inner critic starts talking to them louder than the voices in the meeting room and they themselves start belittling their own propositions which kills their level of confidence to speak up and add value in the room. People who possess this DNA are anxious of their own presence. They are not comfortable in their own skin and it is evident from simple things such as taking up space in the room, passing another colleague in the corridor and in their heads they think that they are blocking the hallway for the other individual. In most realistic cases, they may not be doing anything offensive or inconvenient for the other person, but it is the stories that their minds spin for them which deteriorates their air of confidence even further.
A person gets into a state of aggression when the journey on the axis of ego reaches its zenith. From egotistical, to egocentric, to ego maniac and finally upon landing in the dungeons of self-pity, the individual starts to demonstrate ‘aggression’
Aggression in style, posturing, mannerisms and even in the choice of words is essentially a manifestation of a deficient orientation. A person gets into a state of aggression when the journey on the axis of ego reaches its zenith. From egotistical, to ego-centric, to ego maniac and finally upon landing in the dungeons of self-pity, the individual starts to demonstrate ‘aggression’. These people also tend to be pushover managers. They are hesitant to give clear directions to their teams. They are often unsure of the tasks to be delivered by the team and are reluctant to have difficult conversations. These managers often tend to take on too much on themselves as they don’t have the ‘courage’ to ask their direct reports to rework on the project or make corrections or changes for the fear of coming across as demanding or hard to please. They often tend to adopt the escape route and are also seen getting lumped on with their team’s shoddily done jobs. They are also seen as correcting and revamping their direct reports’ work because they just don’t want to go back and give that not so sweet flavoured feedback to their team members and much rather end up bearing the load of extra work.
In order to appear as a balanced and professionally orchestrated person, one needs to learn to walk the fine line of being assertive and aggressive. Aggression has never helped anyone except driving a wedge amongst staff and the managers or amongst peers. Assertiveness is what wins all the votes. A steady headed individual feels confident in their own skin. They are comfortable with presenting their ideas to another peer or a roomful of people of various hierarchies. Assertive people believe that they have something valuable to contribute clearly and articulately and are able to have mature disagreements with their peers over their ideas. They are not afraid to explore alternate options. Assertive people don’t hold back due to the fear of criticism. They are happy to receive constructive feedback and take it in its stride.
Assertiveness is not a sign of arrogance. It is about being firm and polite. It is about being resolute and principled. Assertiveness is about being able to hold a conversation as well as demand certain actions when the situation requires. Assertive people are polite but at the same time give clear directions eg, “I would like you to extrapolate last six months’ numbers, and email me the report by 10am tomorrow for my review please.” A passive person would ask for the same task by saying ‘how about you extrapolate the last six months’ numbers and see if you can prepare a report and send it to me by tomorrow morning? What do you think?’
In the first instance there is no element of rudeness as it contains all the niceties of please etc, whilst it is clearly giving directions as to what is expected without making the direct report to feel like a literal minion. In the second example the underlying tone is that of uncertainty and lack of confidence and it will not get the desired results. People also tend to sabotage self-respect by appearing less sure of themselves.
Body language plays an enormous part in the aggression versus assertive stance. As mentioned before, if you spot a chest thumping and fist banging personality, then know that their roots trace back to the silverback gorilla in the jungle with no suitable fit in the corporate world. Assertive body language could be an arm draped over the next chair, making significant and meaningful eye contact and leaning in during conversations to listen intently. Glaring and invading personal space has never been in style and certainly harbours on aggression.
When you walk in the corporate corridors you need to review your vocabulary bank. The ‘maybes’ and the ‘possibly’ and ‘perhaps’ are not the lingua franca of the leaders. Keep those uncertain thoughts in check and an upright posture will add to your credibility without being labelled as a jungle inhabitant.
The writer is a senior banker and freelance columnist
