But I am so afraid of breaking this engagement as he is my choice. What will I tell my parents? I am mentally disturbed. I am stuck. What should I do?
My fiancé is a control freak
Salam Guru,
I am a 21-year-old graduate girl. I am engaged to be married. I belong to a middle-class family. My problem is related to my fiancé, D who is a control freak. Actually, I have been in a relationship with D for three years and I was very happy when I got engaged to the love of my life last year. But since we got engaged, I have noticed considerable changes in D’s behaviour. He was very polite and gentle with me prior to our engagement, but of late he has become very strict with me. He keeps an eye on my activities and fights with me if I go anywhere without his permission. I thought he was broad-minded but now I am seeing his true colours. He has banned me from talking to my male friends and cousins. He has also told me strictly that I have to wear hijab after we get married. Guru, I want to study further but he says that I don’t need to study further or to do a job. He just wants me to be a housewife. He is my love but his possessiveness is getting unbearable for me. I am a modern girl and I want a partner who can understand me, not dominate me. But I am so afraid of breaking this engagement as he is my choice. What will I tell my parents? I am mentally disturbed. I am stuck. What should I do?
Unhappy Girl
In pursuit of peace
Hello Guru,
I belong to a well-off family. I was a happy-go-lucky girl and was living a care-free life. But since last year, with the advent of COVID-19, my philosophy of life has changed. I have realised the importance of human life and relationships. I am no more interested in worldly things. I am now more interested in doing welfare work. I have joined an NGO and help them in their charitable work, but my family and friends do not appreciate me. They think that I am doing this just to show off. But only my heart knows I am doing this in pursuit of gaining peace. How can I make my family and friends understand this?
Spiritual Girl
Dear Spiritual Girl,
Everyone is entitled to choose their own path. Just follow your heart and don’t pay attention to what others say. Just remember that you are only answerable to Allah and not to your family. It’s your prerogative to lead your life as you want to. If you are satisfied from inside, then worldly things should not matter to you. Don’t feel upset, girl; just do what you think is right and appropriate for you and let others do whatever they like to do. Good luck!
Should I go for marriage?
Hi Guru,
I am an 18-year-old college going girl. I belong to a conservative family. In our family girls are married off at an early age. My parents have fixed my marriage with my cousin. He is 26 years old and is well settled. He told me that I can continue my studies after marriage too. Guru, I am in a fix. I don’t want to marry so early but then I cannot go against the family tradition. What should I do?
Perplexed Girl
Dear Perplexed Girl,
Since you cannot go against your family’s tradition, it is in your best of interest to get married. Your future hubby seems like a nice guy. And the best part is that he is willing to let you study. I know so many girls who study further and make their careers even after they get married. So, leave your apprehensions behind and be prepared for the good days to follow. Good luck!
Dear Unhappy Girl,
We all make mistakes but we also learn from our mistakes. When you are in love, you become kind of blind and you do whatever your heart says. Actually, you were blindly in love with D and you couldn’t figure out what type of person he was. But still, there is time in your hand to rectify your mistake. You are engaged to him, not married. I know it won’t be easy for you to break this engagement but it is far better than entering into a suffocating relationship. It’s good that D has been exposed. What would you do, if you were married to him? Muster your courage and take your parents in confidence. I am sure they will listen to you. You are a bright, young girl and you have every right to live your life on your own terms. Good luck!
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