Kids my age are doing so much in their lives and I am doing nothing. I need your advice on this matter....
I have low self-esteem
Salam Guru,
I am a 17 year old girl and have just completed my O-levels from a well-reputed school. As a student, I have always received appreciation and encouragement from my parents, friends and teachers but despite being an outstanding student, I have very low confidence and self-esteem. It’s difficult for me to express or communicate my feelings to others though I participate in speech/ debate competitions. My friends call me boring because I don’t speak much. I have so much to say but I can’t relate with people. Sometimes I feel I don’t have anyone to listen to me. I find it hard to say ‘no’ to people. Sometimes I know what people I am close to are doing wrong but I don’t know how to explain to them and convince them. My mother compares me with my cousins who have studied from normal schools but are really outspoken, bold and confident.
Guru, I have big dreams, I want to be a really impressive communicator but my insecurities and fears hold me back. I don’t know how I will be able to be my truest self. I feel scared to talk to people and have this inferiority complex or victim mindset in me.
Another problem is I am confused about my future, I really want to study abroad but I don’t know how I will be able to live alone. I want to find my purpose and passion but don’t know how to. Kids my age are doing so much in their lives and I am doing nothing. I need your advice on this matter.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
It sounds like you’re going through a challenging time, but it’s great that you’re seeking advice and looking for ways to improve your confidence and communication skills. First of all, think about your strong points because understanding yourself better can do wonders for your self-confidence. Since you seem to be a humble and courteous person, it is difficult for you to say ‘no’ to people when you need to and express your thoughts and feelings clearly.
To overcome your reticence, consider joining a public speaking or communication skills workshop. Speaking up in group settings or with friends can build your confidence.
Do you have a school counselor? If yes, talk to them about how you feel. This will help you cope with your fears and insecurities.
Unfortunately, parents and teachers often have the tendency to compare their children or students. They do this to make you do better, but don’t realize how damaging it can be to the individual’s self-esteem to be compared to someone unfavourably. But they have your best interest at heart, so try to ignore these comparisons when they are made.
It will also help if you set your goals one at a time. Explore study abroad options, and talk to students who have studied abroad to get a better idea of what to expect. This can help alleviate some of your fears about living alone in a foreign country.
It’s okay to feel scared and uncertain about the future, but by taking small steps and seeking support, you can work towards building your confidence and finding your path.
Good luck
I want to improve my physique
Hello Guru,
I am a 19-year-old guy. I am quite good looking, but I am too thin and that is why girls find me unattractive. My college class mates often mock me by calling me ‘sookha’ (extremely thin). I eat well but I think it’s my physique that is bad. I cannot put on any weight. I feel depressed all the time, and want to improve my physique. Please help!
Unattractive Guy
Dear Unattractive Guy,
First of all, being thin doesn’t make you unattractive. Ignore the taunts of your class mates, and concentrate on working on improving your physique. To this end, start by taking a balanced and nutritious diet. Incorporating protein-rich foods like lean meats, fish, eggs, dairy, legumes, and nuts can help build muscle mass. You should consult a nutritionist to get a diet plan and follow it. Joining a gym can help you a lot, but make sure your trainer is certified. Your instructor can put you through regular strength training exercises targeting major muscle groups.
Adequate rest, after the exercises, is also vital for muscle growth. Muscles repair and grow during rest periods, so ensuring enough sleep and avoiding overtraining is important. Remember that consistency is key; so, establishing a regular workout routine and sticking to it is crucial.
Lastly, seeking guidance from fitness professionals or personal trainers can provide personalized advice and support for achieving specific fitness goals.
Good luck
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