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Should I say yes?

Salam Guru,

I wait for Fridays impatiently so that I can read your advice column. I am a 19-year-old girl and am a student of A-Levels. I belong to a rich but conservative family. My father is a businessman. We are four sisters and one brother. All my siblings are older than me. My brother is married and he has a four-year-old son. My sister-in-law is also our relative. All my sisters are married, too. In our family there is no concept of marrying outside the family so in a way everyone is related to everyone. Because of so many intermarriages, our family has become one complex unit. There are always tensions and fights going on within the family. Many of my cousins have difficult married lives. They live in mental agony but cannot think of separation or divorce because of strict family rules. Guru, I don’t want others to dictate my life. I can’t live like my sisters and cousins who are so suppressed. They have all the comforts in life but they are not happy. These days, my parents are looking at a suitable boy within family. His name is Walid. He is my distant cousin. He is only a graduate and is very ordinary looking, but he is a nice person. He has his own little business and earns well. Walid likes me a lot and he is the one who persuaded his parents to send his proposal for me. I met him a few days ago and he promised to keep me happy. He told me that he will not pressurize me to do anything against my will. Guru, I am so confused. Can I trust him? My parents are waiting for my consent. Should I say yes?

Reluctant Tina

Dear Reluctant Tina,

In our society, intermarriages are a common phenomenon. We all are aware of the complexities of such marriages. Many a time girls and boys have to make many compromises for the sake of the family. Since five fingers are not equal, similarly it’s not necessary that whoever marries in the family will remain unhappy or miserable. May be your sisters or cousins are happy in their given circumstances. Even if they have compromised, it is their decision. So, don’t fret about them. You should concentrate on your own life. Walid seems like a reasonable guy. So what if he is not highly educated? He is a graduate and he earns well. I am sure he is in a position to give you a good life. The best thing is that he is in love with you and is willing to keep you happy. Don’t go after looks. Usually after marriage, looks take a backseat and what matters most is your spouse’s nature. And I am sure Waheed is a good-natured guy. Remember, it’s very difficult to live with beautiful people who are mostly shallow, but good-natured people are usually caring and sincere. I guess, you have to trust Walid. If you have any doubts about his sincerity, then meet him again and clear all your fears. I think you should accept Walid’s proposal. I am sure you will not have to face any problems or restrictions by your family as your hubby will be on your side.

Good luck!

He has left me

Dear Guru,

I simply love your column. I am a 17-year-old college going girl. I am a student of intermediate. Guru, I was in a relationship with a boy, Z since, school days. We grew up together. He was my best companion and I used to share everything with him. But then his behaviour started to change. First, he blocked me from his Facebook account and now he has stopped taking my calls. I have heard he has found someone else. I am so heartbroken. What should I do?

Lost in Love

Dear Lost in Love,

You don’t need to feel so dejected, my dear. You are still a little girl and there is so much to do in life. Thank God for His blessings and for giving you such a beautiful life. You must not nurture negative thoughts in your mind. You have only lost your boyfriend, not your life. And life is too precious to waste after one person. Think about your family and friends who care about you and stop thinking about that loser. He did not deserve a nice girl like you. Try to start afresh and make new friends. Just remember, people come and go but life goes on. Good luck!

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