US

BREAK

US
By Usama Rasheed
Fri, 08, 18

A Chinese doctor can’t find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside....

A lawyer takes on a doctor

A Chinese doctor can’t find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside: “Get treatment for $20 — If not cured, get $100.”

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100, so he goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”

Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.”

Lawyer: “Ugh, this is kerosene!”

Chinese: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored! Give me $20.”

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.”

Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.”

Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.”

Chinese: “Congrats, you got your memory back! Give me $20.”

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get $100.

Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak and I can’t see at all.”

Chinese: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100!”

Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100!”

Chinese: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored! Give me $20.”

Ways to be annoying in Computer labs

1) Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream, “Oh, my God! They’ve found me.”

2) Laugh uncontrollably for about three minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3) When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can’t get it to work. After he/she’s turned it on, wait for five minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.

4) Write a programme that plays the “Smurfs” theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over and over again.

5) Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

6) Ask around for a spare disk. Offer Rs10. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then pull another disk out of your bag and say, “Oops, I forgot!”

7) If you’re sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing “The lion sleeps tonight” whenever there is processing time required.

8) If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbour’s keyboard as you leave.

9) Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

10) Attempt to eat your computer’s mouse.

Compiled by Usama Rasheed