close
US

TRUST US

By US Desk
Fri, 09, 16

I am a 15-year-old girl. I study in 9th grade in a prestigious school. I belong to an upper middle class, orthodox business family. In our family, women are mostly housewives and there is no concept of higher education; even my father has a bachelors degree only.

True lies

Dear Guru,

I am a 15-year-old girl. I study in 9th grade in a prestigious school. I belong to an upper middle class, orthodox business family. In our family, women are mostly housewives and there is no concept of higher education; even my father has a bachelors degree only. Love marriage, smoking, partying and drinking are considered taboo in our family. They let me study in co-education because of the high standard of this school. On the other hand, my school’s environment is totally opposite from my home’s. Most of my friends are modern and their parents are also liberal. They hang out together and they freely go to each other’s houses and make plans together. I go out with them but not on regular basis. Now, the problem I am facing right now is that my close friends - two boys and three girls - want to come over at my place and they all are eager to meet my family. Guru, they are unaware of the conservative atmosphere of my home. I am in a fix. I have maintained a very modern image of my family in front of my friends. Now, if they come over, I will be exposed. I can’t refuse them. I know I have lied about my family, but what should I do now?

Fake Girl

Dear Fake Girl,

Whether one is from a rich background or a poor background; whether one’s family is modern or traditional, one cannot disown one’s family. I can understand your dilemma but there are ways to deal with this situation. So what if your parents are simple and are from old school of thoughts? They are your parents and you should feel proud of the fact that they have allowed you to study in co-education, despite being conservative, which clearly shows how much they are interested in giving you quality education. As far as your friends are concerned, I think it’s about time you tell your friends about your family. There is no point deceiving your friends; there is nothing for you to feel embarrassed about. They may not be fashionable or as cool as your friends’ parents are, but they have their own personalities. Be confident of who you are. So, invite your friends over and proudly introduce your parents to them. Good luck!

I don’t want to hurt my mom

Salam Guru,

I am a huge fan of your column and I love the way you solve young people’s problems. I am 25 years old and I am working in a private firm. My salary is sufficient enough to have a decent living. I have been brought up by my mother single-handedly as my father left her when I was in school. She did not marry again because of me and raised me with much love and attention. We did not have to face financial problems as my maternal side of the family supported us. Now that I am earning, we are on our own. My mother is also interested in getting me married. Since my mamu helped us financially, my mother wants to take his daughter as her bahu. This is her way of thanking him. But the problem is that I am already committed. I have been in a steady relationship with H for four years now and I want to marry her. Guru, I just cannot find courage to tell my mom about my love. It will break her heart and I don’t want to do that. I am her only son and she has many expectations from me. I don’t want to disappoint her. On the other hand, I have H whom I cannot leave. My mother is unaware of my choice. I am just too afraid of telling her the truth. I am under pressure. What should I do?

Under Pressure

Dear Under Pressure,

You are actually facing a tricky situation - on the one hand you have your mother and on the other you have your sweetheart. If you remain silent about your love, then you may end up marrying your cousin and will lose H forever, and will remain mentally disturbed. The thought of betraying H will haunt you forever. I know you owe your mother, but then it is about your life - it is not a small issue. Be brave and let your mother know of your feelings. She will get upset initially but probably she will come round when she sees your genuine love for H. Don’t be afraid of your mother. It’s better to face the music now than to regret all your life. As far as your mamu is concerned, he will be fine after some time and I am sure your cousin will get a nice match too. Good luck!