I don't accept cookies on websites, because I was raised not to take candy or treats from strangers....
COMIC RELIEF
* Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): 1) read
2) re-read
3) re-re-read
4) re-re-re-read
5) submit
6) typo
* Dx: Moonstruck (@moonstruckinnyc): Cookbook but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.
* Gia (@GashleyMadison): Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.
* Hollie Harris (@allholls): I don't accept cookies on websites, because I was raised not to take candy or treats from strangers.
* Krista (@kristabellerina): Some of you never had to flip a cassette to listen to side B and it shows.
* m@thew (@TweetPotato314): Putting a student driver bumper sticker on my car so people will expect less of me.
* Benny Feldman (@Feldfrog): Hey man, it’s just a joke. Which, as we all know, is a form of speech in a vacuum, devoid of meaning
* Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): Scrolling through someone's old Instagram pics carefully trying not to accidentally like anything is the adult version of Operation.
* Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy): I’d be disappointed in myself but my mother doesn’t like competition.
* MisterD (@MisterD78UK): Self sabotage... cause if you want something done right, you do it yourself.
A man walks into a high-end shoe store and points straight at a sleek, expensive pair. “I want those,” he says. “Excellent choice,” says the salesman. “They’re $600. What size are you?”
“Size 12,” the man replies. “But I’ll take a size 10.”
The salesman hesitates. “Sir, those will be very tight.”
“I know. That’s the point.”
Puzzled but professional, the salesman brings him the shoes. The man forces his feet in, his toes curling like they’re in a vice, and limps out of the store barely able to walk.
A week later, he’s back. Same shoes. Same limp. The salesman is sure he’s here for a refund. But no. He says, “Do you have these shoes in brown?”
The salesman can’t believe it. “Sir, forgive me, but I have to ask, why do you keep buying shoes that clearly don’t fit? That must be excruciating!”
The man nods slowly and says, “Oh, it is. It hurts like hell. But you see… my wife left me, my daughter and son don’t speak to me, and I have another kid I haven’t seen in 20 years. My life is an absolute mess. But when I come home at night… sit on the couch… and take these damn shoes off… for ten glorious minutes, I feel like the happiest man alive.”
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” – Graham Norton
