I really want to improve myself. Could you please give me some advice?
I feel lonely and isolated
Dear Guru,
I am a 17-year-old guy. I grew up with very dominating parents who controlled almost every aspect of my life. I was not given the freedom to make my own choices, whether it was selecting the food I wanted to eat, the clothes I wished to wear, or even the games I wanted to play as a child. As a result, I became very quiet and afraid to speak up, especially in front of company. Over time, I developed into an introverted person who prefers his own company. I find it extremely difficult to talk to people openly because I always feel like they are judging or trying to undermine me. Although there are a few people I can converse with, I still don’t feel comfortable enough to share my personal problems or inner thoughts with them. This has left me feeling very lonely and isolated. I often wonder if it is normal to be this introverted or if there is something wrong with me. I really want to improve myself. Could you please give me some advice?
Lonely guy
Dear Lonely guy,
First of all, let me assure you that being introverted is completely normal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with preferring your own company or finding it difficult to open up to others. Many people are naturally introverted, and it’s simply a personality trait, not a flaw. However, growing up in a highly controlling environment can make it harder to trust others and to feel confident expressing yourself, which seems to be part of what you’re experiencing.
It’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid. Your childhood experiences shaped your behaviour, but the good news is that with some effort and patience, you can work on improving your confidence and communication skills. Start by setting small, achievable goals, like making light conversation with a classmate, joining a club, or participating in a group activity you enjoy. Gradually, as you expose yourself to new social experiences, your comfort level will increase.
At the same time, work on building a better relationship with yourself. Journaling your thoughts, practicing mindfulness, and challenging negative beliefs about yourself can be very helpful. You don’t have to force yourself to share everything with others right away; true connection takes time. It’s okay to be selective about who you open up to. Find people who are understanding and trustworthy.
If you feel that your loneliness is overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools to heal from the impact of your upbringing and help you build healthier patterns.
Wanting to improve is already a sign of great strength. Take it one step at a time, and you will get there.
Good luck
Dear Guru,
I am an 18-year-old girl, currently studying at one of the most prestigious colleges in Karachi. I have been in a steady relationship with my boyfriend, R, for the past three years. In the beginning, he was very loving, caring, and attentive towards me. However, over time, his behaviour has changed. Now, he often talks to other girls openly, and whenever I express my discomfort, he brushes me off and tells me to mind my own business. Despite all this, I find it extremely difficult to leave him because I love him deeply. Recently, he made it clear that he has no intention of marrying me. This revelation has left me heartbroken and devastated. I feel lost, hopeless, and unable to imagine marrying anyone else. Right now, it feels like there is nothing left for me in this world. Please help me, I am desperate for advice.
Dejected Girl
Dear Dejected Girl,
Please don’t feel so broken. Right now, you are overwhelmed by emotions, but with time you will see things more clearly. Remember, your life does not revolve around M or any boy. You are only 18 — your journey has just begun! This is the time to focus on your education, your dreams, and discovering who you are. A guy who disrespects your feelings and openly flirts with other girls is not worthy of your love or tears. He has already shown you through his words and actions that he is not serious about you. Why waste your beautiful energy on someone who does not value you?
You are far too young to be worrying about marriage right now. Relationships at this age often feel intense, but they are not always meant to last forever. One day, when you are busy living your best life, studying, building your career, and growing into the strong woman you are meant to be, you will look back and realize that this heartbreak was a blessing in disguise. Trust me, there will be a time when you won’t even remember a boy named M who once broke your heart. So lift your head high, dry your tears, and focus on becoming the amazing person you are destined to be. Life has so much more in store for you. Good luck!
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