‘Those concerned for their safety are advised not to snatch phones or kill others’

"Disclaimer: This article is categorized as satire"

Karachi 

Perturbed by a recent surge in mugging cases, the Sindh police has come up with an ingenuous plan to curb gun violence in Karachi; more shoot-to-kill freedom for the common folk with licenced guns.

It’s not like the force hasn’t put much thought in the strategy. Taking into consideration the psychological need for incentives and motivation, the Sindh police’s chief has already started handing out cash rewards to those who have successfully targeted robbers, miscreants and, even, suspected target killers.

The plan – a hitherto confidential and top-secret social behaviour controlling module – was revealed just this past week when Sindh IGP AD Khowaja attended a ceremony to reward a citizen with Rs50,000 for killing two suspected robbers and foiling a mugging bid.

Lauding the man’s heroic move, Khowaja asserted that what this city needed was more people with licensed weapons and official assurance of unconditional support to anyone who thinks, feels or believes that their target was a criminal. 

“This lad was able to defend himself because he had a licensed weapon. Had he not possessed one, it would have been difficult – rather impossible – for us to handle the case and the criminals would have lived on happily ever after.”  

“We realise and accept this reality, which is why I would like to request the concerned authorities to hurry up in issuing licenses to whoever is applying,” he said, reiterating that more guns and willing shooters were the only way to rid Karachi of guns.  

Whose law is it anyway?       

However, many people had mixed opinions about this development and, as expected from the oft over-thinking civil society and human rights activists, the move was dubbed ‘irrational’.

“We are still trying to understand if this is a serious move or if Mr Khowaja is just trying to relive the by-gone days of Counter-Strike and Call of Duty,” said an activist.

The ‘nobody’ activists also raised questions about the legitimacy of this action and urged the police authorities to take the law back in their hands.  

Clearing the air, the IGP explained with uncommon sincerity, “We would be glad to own the law except that, for a few years now, the power of the law really doesn’t rest with us.” 

“People are crying wolf over the availability of weapons as if we aren’t aware about the thriving business of illegal arms.

“It is only because we know that we believe that legalising is the way to go; it would be a game-changer as the target killers would be shot by the target even before they approach him or her, making a decrease in crime a certainty.” 

“All those who are concerned about their safety are, hereby, advised not to snatch phones or kill others,” said the police chief.

Since the IGP’s disclosure, there has been a boom in admissions to shooting ranges as people started training for headshots so there wouldn’t be any need to take ‘alleged’ robbers to the Abbasi Shaheed, Civil or Jinnah hospitals for ‘medico-legal formalities’.

Playing judge, jury & Rao 

With the terms and conditions of shooting “people who pose a threat” yet to be ascertained, many feel the move could produce controversial results.

It would be hard to blame them for such pessimistic thinking, though, particularly in a city that has seen cases where three men on a motorcycle were shot by a citizen who thought one of them was pulling out a gun; turned out it was a paper with an address they were trying to locate.  “I feel people are overreacting. Our plan should be appreciated because not only will it allow people to help solve crimes, but will also enable them to fulfil their dreams of becoming the hunter that man truly is supposed to be.

Plus, it’s not every day that you get the chance to step in the shoes of greats such as Rao Anwaar,” IGP Khowaja defiantly pointed out.

"Disclaimer: This article is categorized as satire"