A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
When I moved out to LA they told me I had to work out. I was like, I don’t want to do that. They gave me this trainer, and the dude was like... The most important thing is, you can’t eat late at night or you’ll get fat. And I’m like, Forget that, you supposed to eat late at night. He was like, No you not. I’m like, Well, why they put a light in the refrigerator?
A grade school teacher was instructing her students on the value of coins. She took a half-dollar and laid it on her desk. “Can any of you tell me what it is?” she asked.
From the back of the room came the answer: “Tails!”