I have told my husband to get a separate flat for us, but he says he cannot do this....
My hubby is mama’s boy
Dear Guru,
I am a 21-year-old girl. I belong to a middle-class family. In my family, girls get married at an early age. So, last year, as soon as I graduated, I was married off. I have been married for one and a half years now. My husband, H, is very loving and caring. I have no complaints about him, but I have issues with my in-laws. Actually, my husband is mama’s boy. He does not have his own opinion and is under his mother’s influence. She is very strict and keeps an eye on our comings and goings. Whenever we go, we first have to take permission from my mother in-law. I am only allowed to go to my mother’s house once a week. I have told my husband to get a separate flat for us, but he says he cannot do this. He looks after his father’s business and is sort of financially dependent on his parents, and my parents-in-law take advantage of his weak position. Guru, I am sick and tired of living in a restricted environment. My in-laws are nice with me but their interference in our married life is now unbearable for me. I am three months pregnant. My doctor has told me that my peace of mind is very important in these days. But, Guru, I am so mentally upset. What should I do?
Angry Wife
Dear Angry Wife,
Relax, my dear; your problem is not that grave. You can resolve it amicably. All you need is a bit of patience and empathy. Settling down after marriage is by no means an easy task, especially for young girls. I can understand your frustration, but think it over with a cool mind. Your in-laws are not bad or cruel people. All they want from you is ‘respect’, so I don’t see any harm if you ask their permission before leaving the house. Think about your husband who cares about you. Mind you, if you have a good partner in life then all other things take a back seat. H is not mama’s boy; he is a good son, like he is a good husband. Since he is not financially independent, he has to listen to his parents. Try to understand his situation. Put yourself in his shoes and think. My dear, don’t make your life complicated unnecessarily and try to adjust yourself. Your peace of mind is in your own hands. If you think too much, it may have adverse affects on your baby. So, try to stay happy. I think seeing your mom once a week is fine. I know so many girls who visit their ‘maika’ once a week, so I think your mom-in-law is quite reasonable in this regard. Don’t view her as your enemy and stay positive. And don’t worry, you will get your own space and independence with the passage of time. Till then, hang in there. Good luck!
I am in an awkward situation
Salam Guru,
I read your column with great interest. I am a 16-year-old girl and am studying in grade X. I belong to a middle-class family. I am a good student and am quite popular in my school. I have no problems as such, but there is something which has been bothering me of late. I cannot share this with anyone so am writing it to you. Actually, my mom is pregnant and soon I am going to have a baby brother in our house. Guru, this is so embarrassing for me. How will I break this news to my classmates? They will make fun of me. We are already three siblings. I am the eldest and now the fourth one is coming. My parents have put me in an awkward situation. Is there any way to hide this news from them? How will I face my friends? Please help.
Embarrassed Daughter
Dear Embarrassed Daughter,
Come on, young girl, there is nothing to feel embarrassed about. I know you will be uncomfortable sharing this news with your school mates and friends, but there is no escape. Sooner or later they will come to know about it. Dear, you need to respect your parents’ decision. Your mother needs your support at this time. Being the eldest daughter, you must take care of your mother and support her. Don’t worry about others’ reactions. Your family should be your priority, so face your friends boldly. Stay happy.
Good luck!
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