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By US Desk
Fri, 05, 18

I am a 23-year-old girl. I have done B.A and now I am working in a private firm.....

I have an unhappy mother

Salam Guru,

I am a 23-year-old girl. I have done B.A and now I am working in a private firm. I am a very simple girl and I have few friends. I have no boyfriend. My problem is related to my mother.

Her first marriage, which was a love one, ended in divorce. She didn’t want to marry again but due to social pressures she remarried. She was never on good terms with my father as this marriage was against her will. She started neglecting her kids emotionally. She never treated me kindly and used to scold me a lot over trivial matters. As a result of her irrational behaviour, I have developed a sense of insecurity. I lack confidence. Though I am working, I get terrified if I make any mistake. I am weak emotionally and I have no confidence to face any awkward situation or challenge. I think I am good for nothing. Please help me.

Terrified Girl

Dear Terrified Girl,

I can understand your dilemma. As a child you suffered a lot because of your mother’s insecurities. She has not been lucky in matters of love. Her first marriage ended in divorce and she is not happy in her second marriage. However, she has not been fair with you. She should not have neglected you and should have paid attention to your emotional health, too. Her agitation has affected you negatively.

But now you are an adult and should not suffer in silence. First, you have to love yourself. Loving yourself is the first step towards self-improvement. See, when you have confidence in yourself, it becomes easy for you to deal with people and situations. Instead of being upset with your mother’s attitude, pay attention to your own self and develop your skills. Try to develop friendly relations with your father, siblings and friends. And be patient with your mom. At this stage she needs your love and care. Good luck!

My parents are old fashioned

Salam Guru,

I am a 17-year-old boy. I belong to a well-off family, but my parents are very old fashioned. I study in one of the prestigious colleges of Karachi. It’s a co-education college. My friends are all from modern families and they all hang out together. But due to my parents’ restrictions on me, I cannot go with my friends to any picnics or parties. They keep a vigilant eye on my activities. They want me to focus on my studies only. All my friends have mobile phones, though my parents can easily afford it, I am still not allowed to keep a mobile. My friends make fun of me all the time. They think I am a mama’s boy. Most of my friends don’t hang out with me anymore. They have stopped inviting me to parties and get-togethers. I am facing all this trouble due to my conservative parents who have put so many restrictions on me. Guru, I am so frustrated. I am very upset with this situation. I am losing confidence. What should I do?

Mama’s Boy

Dear Mama’s Boy,

Don’t feel sad, young boy, and don’t be embarrassed because of your parents. I can understand your frustration, but you also must understand that your parents are not your enemy. They are actually concerned about your well-being. You have no idea about practical life. You are studying in an elite college because of your parents. You should be grateful to them for providing you with the best education and living they can afford. It is their right to see what their child is up to as you are still in your teens. Don’t worry if you don’t have a mobile; I am sure they will get you a mobile once they feel you are capable enough to handle it.

My dear, life is not about picnics and parties. Why bother if your friends don’t invite you to their dos? Why do you have to run after your friends for entertainment? If your parents don’t like you to stay out late then why don’t you invite your friends over? I am sure your parents will have no objection to that and they’ll be happy to meet your friends. By doing this, you can also gain their trust and confidence. And, eventually, they’ll also let you go out. And when you start inviting your friends to your place, it will change your friends’ attitude towards you and they will not treat you as a loser. You can also have quality time at home by watching good movies and by reading books.

Remember, if you want others to like you, first you have to like yourself. This is the first step towards confidence. Count your blessings and start working around your strategy from today. Good luck!