I am an-18-year-old engineering student. I have been a big fan of your column since I was in high school....
My cousin is not talking to me
I am an-18-year-old engineering student. I have been a big fan of your column since I was in high school.
Guru, my problem is my conservative family. Actually, we live in a joint family. I, with my other siblings and parents live with our uncle and his children. I am very close to my cousin, N, who lives with us. She is my confidant and I share all my secrets with her. She knows that I am in love with my other cousin A. Since N and A are best friends, it’s easy for me to communicate with A through N. Guru, our elders don’t like mingling of first cousins so I am very careful. My sister, S, has told N to stay away from me. Now, N (under family pressure) has stopped talking to me. Guru, this is not acceptable to me. N is my cousin and is like a sister to me. My family thinks that I am having an affair with her which is not the case. Nobody in my family knows about my clandestine affair with A. I miss N. She is avoiding me these days and I know she is doing it purposely. Should I talk to N or I just let her go away? I am so upset. Please help.
Desperate Brother
Dear Desperate Brother,
In societies where marriages among cousins are a norm, people judge you if you are over-friendly with your cousins.
Having said that, let’s come to your problem. Your cousin N is like your friend and sister whereas your other cousin A is your girlfriend. Since you are friendly with N, you cannot blame your conservative family for having “ideas” about you and N. Now, you must muster some courage and clear this misunderstanding.
N, being a girl, is not in a position to clear her status; only you can do it. Don’t act like a coward. You need to face your family boldly. Explain your relationship with N to your family members. When your conscience is clear then you don’t need to worry about anything. When you tell them that N is like your sister, they will stop suspecting both of you. Then you can resume your relations with N. She will also feel good that you have taken a stand for her.
And yes, you don’t need to reveal your affair with A until the time is right and you are financially stable. Right now, you are too young for a serious commitment like marriage. So, stop worrying and act like a brave man. Good luck!
I have lost my best friend
I am a 15-year-old girl. I love the way you solve teenagers’ problems; hopefully, you will solve my issue, too.
My problem is related to my best friend, S. We have been friends for many years and we used to share all our secrets with each other - but not anymore. Last year, a new girl, J, got admission in our school and soon J and S became good friends. Now S is her best friend and she has started avoiding me.
Guru, I feel so jealous when I see them laughing together. I know J is a bad girl but S does not seem to understand this. I am very sad. I don’t want to lose my bestie but it is very clear that I have already lost her. Guru, is it her loss or mine? I am mentally disturbed. What should I do?
K. M
Dear K.M,
Don’t take it to your heart young girl. S is still your best friend and she is not going anywhere. You shouldn’t be possessive about S. Probably; she is avoiding you because of your irrational attitude. Actually, you are not accepting the fact that she has made some new friend. Come on, be a sport. You don’t need to feel upset or jealous about it. So what if S has made another new friend? You can also make new friends. Isn’t it better if you accept J with an open heart and try to be her friend too? And it’s your perception that she is a bad girl; maybe you will change your opinion when you spend some time with her. So, instead of thinking on negative lines, think positively. The three of you can be good friends and can have good times together. Give it a try. Good luck!
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