Shannon (@gardengirl125): If you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle, it better be a food truck....
Xwit
* Shannon (@gardengirl125): If you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle, it better be a food truck.
* Meghan (@deloisivete): Standing desk usage so far:
Time sitting: 90%
Time standing: 5%
Time accidentally hitting the button that makes it go up and down: 117%
* Jesse Case (@jessecase): Here's the thing. Private islands are NEVER good. It's Epstein stuff or they're bringing back dinosaurs or doing squid games. Stick to public islands, people.
* Krista (@kristabellerina): The most liberating day of my life was when I figured out I didn’t have to finish a book just because I’d started it.
* Jerry Lock (@jlock17): Over 20 years ago I held up my end of a chain letter, and to this day my family doesn’t know I saved their lives.
* Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): Go out tonight?
Ugh, no thanks, I paid my mortgage and I'm not letting that money go to waste.
* The B. (@anerdonfire2): I would gladly compromise my morals if I had any to begin with.
* Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): When it comes to believing in myself, I'm agnostic
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “If I show you a wild trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender shrugs, “Sure, why not?”
The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. Then out of the other pocket, he pulls a teeny-tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and starts playing the blues.
Stunned, the bartender pours him a free drink. After finishing it, the guy says, “Now, if I show you an even better trick, do I drink free all night?”
“Buddy, if you can top that, you’re drinking on me till closing,” the bartender replies.
The man pulls the rat and piano out again, and this time reaches into his coat and pulls out a small bullfrog The frog clears his throat and starts belting out soulful blues lyrics. The rat’s playing, the frog’s singing – the bar is dead silent in awe.
Suddenly, a man rushes up and says, “I’ll give you $10,000 for that frog!”
The guy says, “Nope, not for sale.”
“$25,000!”
“Nope.”
“$50,000! Cash!”
“Deal.”
The bartender’s jaw drops. “Are you CRAZY? That frog was a gold mine! Why’d you sell him?”
The man smirks and says, “Relax. The frog can’t sing. The rat’s a ventriloquist.”
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
