The bitter truth

• Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
  
• After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
  
• I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
  
• No one ever says, “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
  
• If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
  
• Why do we choose from just two people for the President and 50 for Miss Pakistan?
  
• Ever notice that people who spend money on cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
  
• On my first day of school, my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes.
  
• I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there’s a decimal point involved.
  
• The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
  
• Home is where you can say anything you like because nobody listens to you anyway.
  
• If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal”?
  
• I don’t approve of political jokes... I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
  
• Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
  

Things you don’t want to hear from your dentist

• Aw, you didn’t need that tooth anyway!
  
• We can fix that.
  
• Looks aren’t everything.
  
• Let me see that smile... ugh!
  
• Look on the bright side: At least you got your health.
  
• I’m sorry, did that hurt?
  
• Wait a minute... you’re not Mr Bickmore?
  
• The only colour we have left is hot pink.
  
• Whoops!
  

Compiled by Usama Rasheed