BREAK

Golden rules for career success

• Business is made up of ambiguous victories and nebulous defeats. Claim them all as victories.
• Keep track of what you do; someone is sure to ask you.
• Be comfortable around senior managers, or learn to fake it.
• Never bring your boss a problem without some solution.
• Always arrive at work 30 minutes before your boss.
• Help other people network for jobs. You never know when your turn will come.
• Assume no one can / will keep a secret
• Know when you do your best - morning, night, under pressure, relaxed; schedule and prioritise your work accordingly
• If you get the entrepreneurial urge, visit someone who has his own business, it may cure you.
• Career Planning is an oxymoron. The most exciting opportunities tend to be unplanned
• Always choose to do what you will remember ten years from now

 

College food chain

The Dean

Leaps tall buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a locomotive

Is faster than a speeding bullet

Walks on water

Gives policy to God

 

The department head

Leaps short buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a switch engine

Is just as fast as a speeding bullet

Talks with God

 

Professor

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds

Is almost as powerful as a switch engine

Is faster than a speeding BB

Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool

Talks with God if a special request is honored

Associate professor

Barely clears a quonset hut

Loses tug of war with a locomotive

Can fire a speeding bullet

Swims well

Is occassionally addressed by God

 

Assistant professor

Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings

Is run over by locomotives

Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury

Treads water

Talks to animals

 

Instructor

Climbs walls continually

Rides the rails

Plays Russian Roulette

Walks on thin ice

Prays a lot

 

Graduate student

Runs into buildings

Recognizes locomotives two out of three times

Is not issued ammunition

Can stay afloat with a life jacket

Talks to walls

 

Undergraduate student

Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings

Says “Look at the choo-choo”

Wets himself with a water pistol

Plays in mud puddles

Mumbles to himself

 

Department secretary

Lifts buildings and walks under them

Kicks locomotives off the tracks

Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them

Freezes water with a single glance

She IS God.