Guru, I don’t want to get hurt again. How can I clarify this situation without hurting her feelings?
I am not sure of her feelings
Hi Guru,
I am a doctor. I got engaged to my cousin, R, when I started my house job. At that time R was in the fourth year of med school, and she is now in the final year. Since we were in the same field, we developed a very good friendship, and we both were very happy and developed feelings for each other. I overheard my fiancée telling another cousin that she was in love with me, and I know I also love her.
My problem started when R met someone on one of her clinical rotations. She has started talking about this classmate of hers a lot, and since he is also in her clinical sub group, they study together and even work on the same research projects.
I have started feeling insecure because when I was in first year of med school, I had fallen in love with a girl. She also was in love with me, according to her, but when she got a better option, she ditched me. R’s behavior may be totally above board but my past experience has made me somewhat suspicious.
I feel ashamed to admit it, but I also feel jealous of this guy. Should I talk to her about this issue? I want to talk to her and ask her if her feelings towards me have changed but I am a bit scared because I don’t want to offend her. But Guru, I don’t want to get hurt again. How can I clarify this situation without hurting her feelings?
Troubled Doc
Dear Troubled Doc,
When people work or study together, they tend to talk about their colleagues and shared experiences, and R is probably doing just that. It is possible that the person she talks about has become a good friend and so it is only natural that he has become a part of her conversations. It is your past experience that is responsible for making you suspicious and jealous. Your fiancée talks to you openly about her classmate, which is a clear indication that she has nothing to hide. Don’t let your jealousy destroy your relationship. Your fiancée is a mature person and not a teenager who would flit in and out of love at will. Trust is the most essential component of a relationship and if your fiancée finds out you don’t trust her, it will hurt her a lot. If you are still not convinced, you could talk to her about setting a date for your wedding or a nikah ceremony to ease your mind.
Good luck!
I am scared of losing him
Dear Guru,
I am a BS student, currently in my last semester. I have fallen in love with a boy who is in his first semester. He is very good looking and charming and very popular in the university because he is a good tennis player. I want to tell him how much I love him but somehow I don’t have the guts to do that, as we have never talked to each other. I will soon leave university, and he still has a long way to go. I am scared of losing him. Do you have any suggestion for me?
Girl in Love
Dear Girl in Love,
It seems you have a crush on him because of his charming personality, which is very natural. You haven’t talked to him and have no idea about the kind of person he is. Very soon you will be out of your university and your parents will want you to get married. Think logically: it will take this guy more than three years to complete his degree. Then he will need to get a job and consolidate his financial position before he can get married, and this would take time. It’s in your best interest to forget him because your parents won’t let you wait for him even if he somehow becomes interested in you. Also, there is a strong possibility that he likes someone as he is so popular in the university. Concentrate on your studies and try to forget him.
Good luck!
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