A guy finds an old lamp and rubs it. Of course a genie appears and grants the guy three wishes....
XWit
MisterD (@MisterD78UK): Friendship is not about whom you've known the longest… It’s about who brings treats for your pets.
Lottie-pop (@Lottie_Poppie): I got a cat because I missed the judging looks of my mother every time I open my mouth.
Trash Jones (@jzux): “What are you being for Halloween?” I am being let down by my government and my country and crushed under the weight of fascism and societal decay. Also, a clown.
Slice of beef (@sliceofheck): My AI girlfriend is leaving me for my AI best friend.
Slim Plimsoll (@slimplimsoll): I still think a dog invented golf.
Girl on Tapas (@GirlonTapasx2): Currently deciding between doing laundry or just going to TJ Maxx and buying new outfits for the week.
Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): Learning things the hard way is where I really shine
Interpretation (@materialcritic): Does anybody want to be cousins? I'm looking to start my family from scratch.
Forward March (@RunOldMan): I only spend time on social media to avoid being around real people.
Robert Bonnett (@RoBonnett79): Twitter is a monster with millions of mouths but very few ears.
Colin (@colinarmis): “Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?
THE WISH
A guy finds an old lamp and rubs it. Of course a genie appears and grants the guy three wishes.
The guy says, “I’m going through a divorce and every lawyer involved is a psychopathic thief. I want all lawyers on the face of the Earth to be wiped out.”
“That’s awfully extreme. Are you sure?” the genie asks.
“Absolutely” the man replies. “They are the worst, and the world will be better off without them.”
The genie snaps his fingers, and says, “Okay, it's done. There are no more lawyers. And that’s your last wish.”
“Wait,” the guy says, “you told me I have three wishes!”
“So sue me,” the genie replies.
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes
