I am very upset, and don’t know what to do. I feel very jealous of this guy and also angry with S’s father. What should I do?
I am jealous of her cousin
Dear Guru,
I am a 25-year-old engineer. I belong to a middle class, educated family. I have been engaged to S, who is the daughter of my father’s friend, for four years. We had known each other since we were kids, and when we fell in love our parents were very happy. We had a formal engagement ceremony, and it was decided that we would get married after the completion of our education. Now the situation is that I have become an engineer and have a decent job, and S still has another year to go.
My parents talked to S’s parents about setting the wedding date and assured them that S would be allowed to complete her studies, but her father wants her to graduate first. My father said that since it was decided at the time of engagement that the marriage would take place after the completion of our studies, S’s father is right.
The problem is that S’s cousin is also interested in her, and she told me that her uncle talked to her father about breaking the engagement. The guy is a doctor and belongs to a rich family. His wife died recently and now he wants to marry S. He has a two-year-old daughter, and his mother told S’s mother that only a girl from the family would be kind to her granddaughter.
I am worried. He is financially sound and is also S’s cousin. My mother thinks S’s father refused to let us get married, even when we assured them that S’s studies will be our responsibility, because of this new development. I am very upset, and don’t know what to do. I feel very jealous of this guy and also angry with S’s father. What should I do?
Distressed Guy
Dear Distressed Guy,
First of all, relax. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. This cousin did not propose when S was not engaged to you, and now that he is a widower, he wants to marry S. Do you think her father will not consider that S was not good enough for his nephew when he was single and now that he is a widower he wants a girl from his family? The primary concern of S’s father is that his daughter should complete her education before her marriage and this shows he really cares about her well-being. He will not break his daughter’s engagement just to make his brother happy.
Your father can speak to S’s father and sort this out to make you feel better. But your father is right: S’s father stipulated that the wedding would take place after the completion of yours and S’s education, so you should wait for her to graduate. Tell your mother not to worry and let your father talk to S’s dad. Good luck.
I still love him
Salam Guru,
I am a 27-year-old girl. During my university days I was crazy about a guy, H. He also liked me, but only as a friend. Then we both graduated and he went abroad for further studies. Last year, I got engaged to my cousin. It was an arranged match, and I agreed to it because my parents want me to get married. I will be married in two months’ time. I still miss H, and feel it is not right to marry my cousin because I don’t love him. H is already married and has a son. I feel guilty because I am still not over H. What do you suggest?
Upset Virgo
Dear Upset Virgo,
H has been gone from your life for years now, and it is time you drive him out of your heart and mind. You do not have to feel guilty because falling in love is not something one can control. What you can do is to start your new life with a clear heart and do your best to make your marriage successful. Make a serious effort to be happy with your husband and I am sure you will get over H in no time. And, most importantly, pray for your happiness. Good luck!
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