Guru, how can I convince my parents? I want to study in Saudi Arabia, get married to someone I love and live peacefully there....
Dear Guru,
I am a 20-year-old girl and have just moved back to Pakistan from Saudi Arabia. Guru, actually my parents have left me with my grandparents, while they returned to Riyadh where my father works. They want me to take admission in a Pakistani university and they have also asked my grandparents to look out for a decent guy to marry me off as soon as possible.
Guru, this is how parents punish us when we trust them with our secrets! I told my parents about the Saudi guy I have fallen in love with. We both want to get married. He is my friend’s brother and runs a cafe where we used to hang out often. He is caring, respectful and open-minded, and also quite wealthy. Our families have also met each other socially a few times and our moms really had a nice time together. But, to my utter shock, I found out my parents believe, like so many others, in all the stereotypical notions about Arabs prevalent in Pakistan, even though they have never encountered anything unpleasant while working with them. They say polygamy is a usual practice in Arab families, but no one in his family has two wives. My parents also believe that his family will put restrictions on me.
My parents think all Arabs look down upon Pakistani expats. The family dynamics of Saudi families have changed over the past five years. There is a lot more freedom in KSA now, especially for girls. My grandparents don’t let me go out alone in Faisalabad, but in Riyadh I used to drive to all kinds of places alone and nobody ever bothered me.
My parents’ outright rejection has left me heartbroken and I just can’t convince them. And, adding insult to injury, they have sent me back to Pakistan. I know I will go mad because I am not used to the lifestyle of Pakistan.
Guru, how can I convince my parents? I want to study in Saudi Arabia, get married to someone I love and live peacefully there.
Free Bird
Dear Free Bird,
Parents try to do what is best for their children since they have so much more experience, but that doesn’t mean they are always right. They should have discussed the pros and cons of this proposal with you, but they probably thought spiriting you away from Saudi Arabia was the safest option, and in the process broke your trust. I really hope things work out for you here. Going to university will help you become adjusted to life in Pakistan.
I appreciate how clear your goals are, and also the fact that you have made a decision to marry a person keeping in mind all the essential qualities one should look for in a prospective partner. But, before you try to convince your parents to let you get married to this Saudi guy, do a little in-depth research on the lifestyle of Saudi families, since Pakistani families are quite different from Arab families.
You are in love and are probably willing to make compromises, but doing your own research to find out about their culture will help you arrive at a decision. Your research will help you convince your parents also.
Talk about your parents’ fears with the guy as well. Discuss with him all the issues that bother your parents. Ask him to arrange a few more meet-ups between the two families. It will give your parents the opportunity to understand them better. It is better if you get engaged to him for a year or so as the engagement period will help you understand his family and their traditions.
Good luck
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