Letters

Hello Nadine,

I am a 27-year-old working woman. I got married a year back to my paternal aunt’s brother-in-law despite the huge difference between our educational and social backgrounds. I am quite pleasant looking and had many good and suitable proposals, but because marriage outside community would have got my parents ousted from it, my parents refused all good proposals and got me married to a matriculate who works for his brother. I did MBA and am at a good position in a private company. I wish I had been bold enough to refuse my parents, but since I couldn’t I am in a bad spot. My husband has inferiority complex, which he tried to overcome by torturing me verbally and physically. He beat me almost daily and taunted me about my education and family. My aunt, who lived in the same house, did not support me at all, probably because she was scared of her husband. At the most, sometimes she cooked when it was my turn because she knew I was not in condition to do anything after being beaten by my husband.

My husband used to take all my salary and I had to beg to him for even ten rupees. According to him a woman’s money belongs to her husband. He had confiscated my cell phone and I could talk to my family only in his presence. My father was really upset because he made me marry this guy, and asked me to come home and get a divorce, but I was expecting and did not want to do anything like that.

I was not allowed to visit my parents, but some weeks back, when my aunt told me that my mother was seriously ill, I couldn’t control myself and went to visit her after office. I stayed with her for an hour and then my brother dropped me home. That day, my husband gave me such a severe beating that I had to be taken to hospital. Because his brother knew the Medical Superintendent of that hospital, the doctor who attended me couldn’t report it to police although she really wanted to. While I was in hospital, my husband went to my parents’ house and abused them. My brother finally had enough; he told me not to go back to my husband after my release. So, I left him and came back to my parents’ home. The reason I don’t want to go back is that I lost my baby because he beat me so badly.

Now my in-laws are pressuring my aunt to make me come back. She says that if I don’t, even her husband might divorce her although she has three sons. Now we are all disturbed; my grandmother wants me to go back to save her daughter’s home. She says these things settle down in a couple of years and I just have to be patient. My husband has not shown any remorse, and even the loss of our child has not moved him. My father and brother want me to get a divorce. Please help me in taking the correct decision. I don’t want to return to my husband, but I am worried about my aunt.

Shattered D

Dear Shattered D,

You had had a very traumatic married life because your family did not want to offend the community, but is that community helping you now? Still, you are lucky to have the support of your family. Not many parents or siblings stand by their daughters/sisters in such cases. They always pressurise the girl to return, no matter what the conditions are. In my experience, men like your husband don’t change. Can your in-laws give any guarantees? Even if they do, chances are your husband would not change at all. As for your aunt, she should not try to pressurise you, especially when she made no effort to protect you.

Since you don’t have a child, think seriously about leaving your husband. If you go back and have kids, you will be in deeper trouble if your hubby reverts to his ways. Go for istikhara, if you are not sure about leaving him.

Best of luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.