It is said that all good things in life come to an end, but I would like to take it a step further: all things in life come to an end. Endings, like everything else, have types. Some endings are beautiful, filled with the excitement of the upcoming tomorrow, and give you a sense of fulfillment. On the other hand, some endings are just plain ugly. They leave you questioning your sense of worth. They leave you feeling empty and you struggle to move on from them. Which is why, closure is more important than we think.
Closure is defined as an interaction which allows a person to feel that a traumatic, confusing, draining or saddening to the core event has been resolved. Closure has been greatly acknowledged in psychology because it plays a great role in the process of moving on. It has been observed that people who have received closure after any sort of ending mourned in a healthier way and were able to move on faster than those who didn’t receive any closure. The need to have closure is often where the person is left with questions. For instance, getting fired from a job without any definite reason, experiencing a breakup with a lover or a friend or a relative without any proper explanation or witnessing a suicide or a sudden traumatic death of a loved one.
Humans are naturally curious by nature. We want to know the why behind things that are happening, and when we don’t find our answers, it affects our mental growth. However, sometimes finding answers doesn’t help in the reduction of pain. A person seeking closure can sometimes get answers that make no difference at all, or worsens the pain. Either way, a person is able to take the pain and work through it because knowing is still better than not knowing at all. Knowing gives a chance to analyze things, which gives a better understanding. And, with better understanding, a person finds strength to move on.
Another aspect of seeking answers is that sometimes it gets even harder for the sufferer. For some people, closure becomes a source of reliving the trauma, so it has to be decided very carefully that from which trauma you need to get closure and which trauma needs to be left to be healed on its own. Once the trauma has been recognized, the next step is acknowledgment; acknowledging the pain, the hurt, the intensity and depth of the damage and plan on how to heal from it are some steps to heal from endings without any closures. But, most importantly, healing comes from acceptance - acceptance of pain, acceptance of the fact that not everyone feels the same for you, about you and like you, so you can’t expect people to give you something they have no knowledge of. Many a time, you have to move on from extremely hurtful things that no one ever acknowledges and apologizes for because that’s just how life is. As painful as it may sound.
Intensity of a feeling is different for everyone. It varies from individual to individual. For me, something can be really small while for someone else, it can be shattering. Apology can make all the difference; resolution and ending things on a good note is underrated, hence, there should be a normalization of honest apologies and acceptance of resolution culture so that people can mourn in a healthy way and move on with their lives.