I have a nosy mother-in-law
I am a 22-year-old girl. I got married as soon as I did my graduation, some two years ago. My husband works for a multi-national and he earns well. I live in a joint family with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. My sister-in-law is engaged and she is going get married in December this year. My mother-in-law is very loving and caring. I have been married for two years, but she does not let me do household chores. We have a maid for cleaning and my mother-in-law takes cares of the kitchen. She cooks really well. Guru, I thank God for giving me a nice hubby and doting mother-in-law, but there is a problem. My mom-in-law is very nosy and she keeps an eye on my comings and goings. She feels very happy if my friends and family come over. She entertains them, and serves them food but she never leaves me alone with my guests. Whenever my guests come, she makes it a point to keep sitting with them till they leave. I have not a single moment of privacy. Guru, I don’t mind her sitting with my friends for some time but not leaving me alone with them is getting on my nerves. My friends and cousins are now reluctant to come to my house. They say that they cannot stand my too sugary mom-in-law. Guru, I don’t know how to deal with this situation. I cannot be disrespectful towards her. I am so confused.
Dear Irritated Bahu,
Sometimes too much sweetness is also bad for one’s health, and same is the case with you. I can understand your situation. The problem you are facing is also being faced by many a young bride. Now, being a sensible girl, you have to deal with your mom-in-law very tactfully. See, she is not a bad person and she does not mean any harm. Maybe she does not have any clue or have no realisation that people get irritated by her ‘unwanted company’ all the time. Someone has to convey the message very politely that she does not have to be nosy and she should give some privacy to others. Of course, being her ‘bahu’ you cannot say that bluntly to her face as it will make you look bad in her eyes and it may create unnecessary complications. Talk to your hubby about this issue. Only he will be able to tell this gently to his mom in a way that will not break her heart. Elder people are sensitive, so one needs to be very careful while dealing with them. I am sure your hubby will help you out in this matter. Try one thing: when your mom-in-law’s guests come, you also sit with them till the end. Of course, your mom-in-law will not like it and eventually she will get the hint. Hopefully, this strategy will work out. Good luck!
Is he cheating on me?
I am a 19-year-old college going girl. I am a regular reader of your column and I love the way you solve people’s problems. You have a deep understanding of emotions and I respect you for that. Guru, I have been in a relationship with this very handsome guy, Z, for the last three years. He is my first love and I am madly in love with him. Z also claims that he loves me. But, recently, I have come to know that he is cheating on me. My best friend saw him with the most gorgeous girl of our college at a private party. Since my family is very strict, I am not allowed to go to parties. And especially after COVID-19, it has become difficult for me to step out of the house. Z is a happy-go-lucky-type and he keeps going out in Covid times, too. Guru, how can I find out if he is cheating on me? My heart says that he only loves me. I am so mentally disturbed.
Dear Desperate Nina,
A relationship is based on trust. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Someone saw your boyfriend with another girl at a party and assumed that she must be his girlfriend. Maybe she is just a friend. Dear, just don’t jump to conclusions. Maybe he couldn’t go to that party alone (since you are homebound) and needed someone to go with him. You need to relax. Talk to Z and share your apprehensions with him. Only he can give you a satisfactory reply. One more thing: in matters of heart, you have to rely on your heart. If your heart says he is yours then he is yours. You will get to know the truth sooner or later. Good luck!
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