I am angry with my mother
I am a 19-year-old boy. I am doing A Levels (final year) in one of the prestigious schools of Karachi. I belong to a middle-class family. My father is a banker and he works really hard to provide us a decent living. I really respect my father for that. I have two younger siblings. My younger brother is 16 years old and sister is 14 years old. My brother is in O levels and sister is studying in class eight. We were a happy family and everything was going well till my mother decided to live separately. She had some issues with my father. My father tried his best to persuade my mother not to make this move but she was adamant. She wanted to live independently and according to her she was quiet all these years for the sake of her children. To cut the story short, my mother moved in a small flat and got a job to support herself, while the three of us opted to live with our father and our maid. This happened some two years ago.
Now, the situation is reversed. My mother wants to come back. She has realized her fault. She has talked to my father and like a true gentleman my father has forgiven her. He says that he is doing this for the sake of his family. But, Guru, I don’t like my mother anymore. She made a selfish decision and didn’t think about her young children when she was leaving the house. I spent these two years in deep depression and aggression. Now I have become used to living without her. My siblings are happy that my mother is coming back, but I am not happy. I am so angry with her. What should I do?
Dear Annoyed Boy,
I can very well imagine the emotional turmoil that you must have gone through in the past two years. Living without one’s mother is not easy, especially when one is in his teens. I understand your emotions, dear, but now that she has realised her mistake and wants to make up for it, don’t you think she deserves a second chance? Actually, you are too young to understand the complexities of a husband/wife relationship. No mother takes the extreme step of separating herself from her children without any solid reason. Maybe she had some serious issues with your father that you are not aware of. As a father he must be very good, but who knows how he was with your mother. It seems that both of your parents have come to an understanding after two years of separation. I don’t blame you for being upset with your mother, but try to put yourself in her shoes and then think. She did not leave you when you were an infant, she raised you with care and affection. So, try to make some room for her in your heart. Think about your father and siblings; they all are happy and I don’t think you want to spoil their happiness. Hope you will be able to forgive her, too, as forgiveness is a virtue. I advise you to welcome her with an open mind. Good luck!
My sister is acting like a villain
I am an 18-year-old college going girl. I have been reading your column since my school days. This is the first time I am writing to you. Actually, Guru, my elder sister got engaged some six months ago. Her fiancé, F, is very good looking but her brother-in-law B is way too handsome. I instantly fell for him. I don’t miss any chance to see him (usually at family dinners) and he is always happy to see me. It is evident that he is interested in me. When I told my sister about B, she really got mad. According to her B is a flirt and I should not think about him romantically. She is also against us (sisters) marrying in the same family. Guru, I am so upset. I don’t understand why my sister is acting like a villain.
Dear Upset Sister,
Don’t view your sister as your enemy. She is your well-wisher. You are too young to indulge in a serious relationship. What you think is love is actually infatuation. You are just smitten by his looks. Your sister is right. She is older to you and knows better what’s good for you. Listen to her. And try to divert your attention from B and focus on your studies. Good luck!
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