US

COMIC RELIEF

US
By US Desk
Fri, 06, 20

Two lunatics are in the rec room of an asylum. One is playing solitaire, and the other is watching....

Stock market report

Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remained unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market

Solitaire

Two lunatics are in the rec room of an asylum. One is playing solitaire, and the other is watching. Suddenly, the watcher says, “Hey! You just cheated yourself!”

“Ssh!” The other whispers, “Don’t tell anybody, but I’ve been cheating myself at solitaire for years.”

The first nut whispers back, “But, don’t you ever catch yourself?”

“Nope”, the solitaire player say proudly, “I’m way too clever!”

Take your child to work day

A father took his eight year old daughter to work on “Take your kid to Work Day”


As they were walking around the office the girl started crying and getting very upset.


As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly and said “Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with”