My parents are very strict
I am a great fan of your advice column and am really impressed by your wise suggestions. I am an 18-year-old college going girl. I happen to be very pretty. I belong to a middle class family. I have one older brother who is 23 years old and has just started working. He is very nice and caring but my problem is related to my parents who are very conservative. These days when everyone is wearing jeans, my old-fashioned parents do not allow me to wear any western attire. Not only that, I have strict orders to be back home before sunset when I go out with friends. So, I can only make day plans with my friends. Guru, most of my friends are from well off families. I really feel embarrassed when I make lame excuses for not being able to hang out with them in evenings. Next month, my best friend ‘K’ is getting engaged. Her parents are celebrating their daughter’s engagement on a big scale and have kept a ‘ghazal night’ on the occasion. K has invited me and she is insisting that I should stay at her place so that I can enjoy the function. Guru, I really want to go but as usual my parents are not giving me permission to stay at my friend’s place. If I don’t go, K will kill me. I am really upset. Do you have any solution?
Girl in Trouble
Dear Girl in Trouble,
Actually, your parents are not conservative; they just feel protective towards you like most desi parents are. And I seriously don’t blame them for behaving in ‘old-fashioned’ manner. They are sensible people and know what they are doing. I don’t think that by not wearing jeans or trousers you become inferior. Our eastern dresses are so beautiful and elegant. One can easily look stylish in eastern outfits, too. So, don’t feel inferiority complex just because you cannot wear jeans. Wear your confidence; it does not matter whether you are in kurta or Tee. The point is you should look good. Also, don’t feel bad about not going out with your friends at night time. At least you are allowed to make your plans in day time. Real orthodox parents don’t even allow their daughters to step out of the house. So instead of grumbling, look at the positive points. As far as attending your best friend’s engagement is concerned, I have a practical solution for it – go with your brother. Yes, tell your brother to come along. Your parents then will not have any excuse to stop you from going. I am sure your brother will not mind accompanying his dear sister. And K will be happy to see her best friend on her engagement. Enjoy. Good luck!
He is married
I am a 25-year-old working girl. I have been in love with my colleague, B, for the last three years. He is 30 years old and is very serious about me. He wants to marry me but only recently I have come to know that he is already married. When I confronted him, he started crying and said that his first marriage was forced upon him by his family. He hates his uneducated and simple wife who happens to be his cousin. Guru, I am so mentally disturbed. If I had known this before, I would not have gone so far with him. Now, it’s difficult to leave him. I still love him. He says that he cannot imagine his life without me. I feel sympathetic towards him. Guru, my parents are quite liberal but not liberal enough to allow me to marry B. I am very confused. What should I do?
Girl in Love
Dear Girl in Love,
My dear, this man is bad news. Had he been man enough he would have said no to his first marriage. He is a liar and he does not deserve any sympathy from you. Just put yourself in his wife’s shoes and then think. What would you do if your husband cheated on you? What’s the fault of his innocent wife? I don’t think you are a kind of person who can destroy someone’s home. You are young and smart, you will find a good match but where will she go. Also, your parents will never accept a proposal from someone who is already married, so instead of going against your parents’ will, it’s better to leave him. I know it will be a tough decision but I guess that’s the only sensible thing to do. Good luck!
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