Is he serious with me or not?
I am a-21-year old girl, deeply in love with my cousin. The story began in 2014 when I was in O Levels and he was in 4th year of MBBS. We were so involved with each other that we used to stay in touch via video calls nearly 24/7. We constantly kept track of each other’s routine. He knew what was happening in my daily life. Then he finished his MBBS and got busy with his house job. This created a huge gap between our communication and slowly and gradually we lost touch. It was a terrible period for me. Then after a year or so he again walked back into my life. I was very happy but then another cousin of mine proposed to me. He was very furious and told me to refuse this proposal and I agreed.
Now, my cousin is settled and he can easily send his proposal but somehow he is delaying the issue. He says that he is not ready for commitment and needs another four years as he has to support his family. Guru, I am so mentally disturbed. This thing is killing me. I have refused so many good proposals because of him. I don’t understand why he is doing this to me. Sometimes I wonder whether he is even serious with me or not. He left me once and now I don’t want to lose him again. What should I do?
You have been dancing on his tunes. Wake up girl, stop being emotional and review your situation realistically. Your cousin is just taking advantage of the fact that you love him like anything. He knows that you cannot live without him and he is enjoying this situation. Apparently, this guy is not sincere with you. Had he been sincere with you, he would have proposed to you by now. All these years he has been playing with your feelings. He left you for no rhyme or reason and came back into your life when it suited him. I don’t understand what’s stopping him from marrying you when he is settled. Supporting his family is just an excuse as he can continue supporting his family even after marriage. And then he can always get engaged to you if marriage is not on his agenda for some period. I think it’s about time you put your foot down and talk to him firmly about his future plans. And if he fails to give you a definite reply then it is clear that he is not interested in marrying you. You have already given him so many years. It will be silly of you if you wait for him for another four years without any solid commitment like engagement. So it’s better if you break up with him now before he breaks your heart again. Good luck!
I am a regular reader of your column. I am a 20-year-old girl, studying in final year of college. My problem is related to my best friend, H. We are a group of four friends and we hang out together. My other two friends L and B are also close to me, but they are not that close to H. B has a boy friend and only I know about it. H is bit conservative so B does not want that H should come to know about her clandestine affair. B recently went to picnic with her boyfriend and sent pictures to me on Whatsapp. I sent back pictures to her with my comments but by mistake I sent it to H instead of B. As soon as I realized my mistake I deleted them but by then it was too late as H had already seen them. Now, she is not talking to me. She is very upset that I hide things from her. She feels cheated. Well, that’s not the case. I was just keeping B’s secret. Guru, what should I do?
Dear Worried Friend,
Well, technology has its share of merits and demerits. I don’t blame your friend H for being upset. She must be feeling cheated but she needs to understand that there are certain ethics of friendship. Being a true friend you did not disclose B’s secret. However, it was a coincidence that H came to know about it. Now, what is done cannot be undone. You don’t need to worry as your intentions were clear. It wasn’t your fault. I think you must talk to H and explain to her why you didn’t tell her anything. I am sure she will appreciate your honesty and will come round. Good luck!
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