US

COMIC RELIEF

US
By Usama Rasheed
Fri, 08, 18

A ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town....

Blonde hits out at dummy

A ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the colour of a woman’s hair has to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humour!”

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde interrupts yelling, “You stay out of this... I’m talking to that little pest on your lap.”

Dictionary for women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realised it yet.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he made the dinner.

Clothes Dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See “Magician”.

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space — if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilliser”.

Valentine’s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner and diamonds, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Compiled by Usama Rasheed