I crave for family
I am a 20-year-old girl, studying Fine Arts in one of the prestigious art colleges of Lahore. I belong to a well-off family. My father is an influential landlord from Multan and has his business in Lahore. My father has two wives. His first wife is from his family and lives in Multan whereas his second wife lives in Lahore. My father’s first marriage was arranged and second was a love marriage. Both his wives are taken care of. I am the only daughter from my father’s second wife. I have five step-siblings who live in Multan.
Guru, my problem is that I feel very lonely. My father has given me all the material comforts but he is not there for me. Most of the time either he is busy with his business deals or travellings. He comes to visit us only on weekends. My mother is a socialite. I guess she has found escape in material things. But Guru, I crave for family. I want real people around me. Since my mother is an outsider, she has no interaction with my father’s family. My mother’s siblings are settled abroad so I am hardly attached to my maternal uncles and aunts.
Now, I am facing a situation. Actually my father’s eldest son, (my step-brother) is getting married next month in Multan. I am connected to my step-siblings via Facebook. They want me to attend the wedding. Guru, I really want to go, but my mother is not giving me permission. She has her own reservations and insecurities. Guru, please tell how I can convince my mother to let me attend the wedding. This is my first chance to get to know my father’s family up close and personal, and I don’t want to miss this opportunity.
Dear Lonely Girl,
I can understand your dilemma. As an only child you must be craving for your siblings’ company. I don’t understand why your mother is behaving so unreasonably. She may have her own issues but she should realise that you need a family. I don’t doubt her love for you but she should understand that only she cannot be a substitute for all your other relations. For one’s balanced personality one has to have all relations in one’s life like you need parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, relatives, etc. who all play a positive role in one’s personality development. And each relationship has its own value and beauty. Try to explain this simple logic to her. Maybe she is feeling insecure as she has only you but on the other hand you have a right to get familiar with your father’s family and that can only be possible when you spend some time with them. Talk to your father and tell him to persuade your mom. I guess this is the right time to get connected with your siblings. Good luck!
My mother is acting like a jailer
I read your column with great interest. Every week you give useful suggestions to young people.
I am an 18-year-old girl. I belong to a middle class family. I am studying in intermediate in one of the renowned colleges of Karachi. All my friends and colleagues say that I am very attractive. Last week, I went to my friend’s birthday party where I met her aunt who works for an advertisement agency. She has offered me to introduce to one of her clients who is looking for a fresh face for an upcoming campaign. I really got excited and said yes but when I went home my mother outrightly rejected the idea. She scolded me a lot and has banned me from going to my friend’s place. Guru, my family is quite conservative but I wasn’t expecting such a harsh reaction from my mother. According to her I should pay attention to my studies. My mother is acting like a jailer. I am so upset. What should I do?
Dear Aspiring Model,
I know you must be thrilled at the idea of getting famous at a young age but if you think rationally, your mother is right. This is your age to focus on your studies. Modelling seems a glamorous profession but it has its own pros and cons. There is a lot of hard work involved but the span of life of professional models is not that long. It sounds good for the ego to be appreciated but hey, don’t feel bad about missing this chance. Your mother is not your enemy. Try to understand her point of view too. Good luck!
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