This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald’s fast food establishment.
Job application
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald’s fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him.
Name: Greg Bulmash.
Desired position: Reclining. Ha ha! But seriously, whatever is available! If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
Desired salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz-style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: Yes.
Last position held: Reclining on my mom’s couch.
Salary: Less than my worth.
Most notable achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reason for leaving: It sucked.
Hours available to work: Any.
Preferred hours: 1:30-3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
Do you have any special skills? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more fun environment.
May we contact your current employer? If I had one, would I be here?
Do you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to 50 lbs? Of what?
Do you have a car? I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
Have you received any special awards or recognition? I may already be a winner of the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
Do you smoke? Only when set on fire.
What would you like to be doing in five years? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge? No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
Sign here: Scorpio with Libra rising.
Footballers with no brains
Once two star football players had failed a test, and could not play football in the championship game.
So, after much begging from the coach, the teacher finally let the two take the test again.
They took the test, and turned it in.
The coach and the two students watched carefully as the teacher began grading the tests. She checked the first test and then the second. Halfway through the second test, she stopped and put a big ‘F’ on both tests.
The coach was furious and demanded an explanation. She said that they had cheated.
“Why?” the coach asked.
The teacher showed him number six. The coach looked at number six on the first test.
The answer read: “I don’t know.”
The coach said it did not prove anything.
The teacher handed him the second test.
The answer read: “I don’t know either.”
Compiled by Usama Rasheed
