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March 17, 2017
By US Desk

I am a 22-year-old university student. My father is a landlord and he has two wives. He lives in Sukkur with his first wife and family.

What is my fault?

Salaam Guru,

I am a 22-year-old university student.  My father is a landlord and he has two wives. He lives in Sukkur with his first wife and family. My mother is his second wife and we live in Karachi along with my younger sister. My father is a very generous man. He has given us all the material comforts and he visits us every weekend. He loves us unconditionally and we also love him. Guru, there is this girl, H, in my university. She is very pretty and we have been in a relationship for the past two years. H belongs to a very conservative family. She is the first girl from her family to study in co-education. Now, the problem is that H’s parents have decided to get her engaged to her cousin Z without even taking her consent. They want to marry her off as soon as she completes her education. Guru, H is very upset; she wants to marry me, not Z. I have talked to my father about it. He is ready to go to H’s house with my proposal. Last week, I told H about it. She got excited but next day she came with a sad face. Her  parents have rejected me on the grounds that I am son of a ‘wadera’ and I will definitely follow my father’s footsteps. According to them, I will also keep two wives (like my father). They don’t want their daughter to suffer. Guru, I cannot believe that they are rejecting me only because my father has two wives. I am sincere with H and I cannot imagine any other woman in my life. My father is coming next week. I am so embarrassed. What will I tell him? I don’t want to lose H. Her engagement is going to take place next month. I have to do something fast before that. Please help me.

Heartbroken Son

Dear Heartbroken Son,

Sadly, in our society people have preconceived notions. Somehow landlords have this negative image of being promiscuous. It’s true in some cases but not in all cases. As far as your father is concerned, he seems like a gentleman. The way you love him shows that he has brought you up with much affection. You don’t have any hard feelings against him is the testimony to the fact that he has been fair with your mom, too. On the contrary, H’s parents’ reaction is because of their own reservations. And, I don’t blame them for behaving like that as they haven’t met you or your father.

Now, what you can do is to take your father in confidence. Tell him frankly how H’s parents perceive him. Only your father can remove their misunderstanding. At the same time, tell H to persuade her parents to meet you guys once and then they can decide whether they want you as their son-in-law or not. I am sure when they meet you and your family, they will change their opinion. I have seen so many people who change their impressions after meeting. Your mother can also vouch for your father’s good character. Have a big heart. You don’t need to feel dejected. But remember, first impression is the lastc impression so this is the only chance you have got; give it your best shot. Hopefully things will turn out in your favour. Good luck!     

My cousin is jealous of me

Dear Guru,

I am a 14-year-old girl. I study in grade eight in one of the renowned schools of Lahore.  I am a very good student; I also take active part in extracurricular activities. I am the captain of volleyball team. I am also the member of our dramatic society. Guru, my problem is that my cousin, who is also my classfellow, is jealous of me. She is just an average student and she is not that talented.  She tried to turn my friends against me by using cheap tactics. But luckily, my friends did not pay any attention as they know me. I don’t understand her problem. Should I talk to her about it?

Charismatic Girl

Dear Charismatic Girl,

You don’t need to worry about your cousin. In this world you get to deal with all kinds of people. Some are happy for you and some just despise you. Now, it is up to you to set your priorities. Ignore the people who bring negativity in your life and just focus on your work. Your cousin is one of those people who simply cannot appreciate others. You are lucky that you have good friends in your life. My advice: don’t even bother talking to your cousin. She has nothing to say. Ignore her and enjoy your life. Good luck!