I am 23-years-old graduate. I have been working in a PR firm as a marketing assistant for two years. I belong to a middle class family.
It’s like a dream come true
Dear Guru,
I am 23-years-old graduate. I have been working in a PR firm as a marketing assistant for two years. I belong to a middle class family. My parents passed away three years back and now I am living with my elder brother who is 27 years old and he is also single. My brother is serious about someone and in a year or so he will get married. Guru, I also want to settle down. I had three or four proposals in the past, but they were all very mediocre so I refused them.
Since I am in PR business, I have to socialise a lot and I usually go out with my boss. She is a very nice person and is very happy with my work. She knows all about my financial position and family background. Last month, my boss’s brother, N, came from the UK on a long vacation. I met him two or three times in parties. Apparently, he liked me and I also liked him. He is handsome, caring and well settled. We spent the New Year’s evening together and it was a lot of fun. In a matter of days we have become very close. Now he is leaving next month. He has proposed to me and wants to get engaged on Valentine’s Day. He says that we will get married next year and then I will have to go to UK with him.
Guru, I am happy but am also confused. He is my boss’s brother. I am just afraid of what she will think of me. N says that her sister is cool, and he has already talked to her and she has no objection. Despite N’s assurance, I am still hesitant. It’s like a dream come true but I have my reservations. Should I go for this engagement?
Anxious Me
Dear Anxious Me,
God gives everyone a chance to live happily. N’s proposal is a godsend. Don’t think too hard. Say ‘yes’ to this proposal. Your boss seems like a nice person. Had she been a nasty type, she would have stopped her brother from meeting or mingling with you. Just don’t worry about her. She is an educated working woman and I don’t think she will interfere in your life later. And in any case, you are going to settle abroad after marriage, so chances are you will be on your own. So, brush off all the negative thoughts and go for this engagement happily. Good luck!
My mom is a terror
Salam Guru,
I am a 16-year-old girl. I am a regular reader of your column. I am doing O-Level in one of the prestigious schools of Karachi. We are quite well-off. My dad is a businessman whereas my mom is a housewife. My dad is very broadminded. He does not mind me wearing western clothes and going out with my friends, (since I study in co-ed, I have male friends too). My problem is my mom who keeps a vigilant eye on my activities. She is against giving freedom to daughters. I have two big brothers and they have all the freedom in this world. Even if they come late at night, my mother does not say a word to them. But her rules are different for me. My mother is the one who dominates the house, so even my dad does not have a say in domestic matters. My mother scolds me all the time but she pampers my brothers. Thank God my dad is very loving. Guru, please tell me: why, generally, mothers in our society treat their daughters differently? Why do they have double standards? Because of my mother’s constant nagging, I am becoming edgy. How can I deal with her?
Upset Daughter
Dear Upset Daughter,
Take it easy, girl. Don’t judge your mother. She loves you and she cares about you. Actually, you cannot really blame your mother for treating you differently. She has been conditioned like this. It’s not actually her fault; it’s our hypocrite society which emphasis on giving best education, food and treatment to boys. Generally, preference is given to boys even in affluent classes. So, don’t feel bad about your mom’s unfair dealing with you. You are lucky that you have a loving and supportive dad. And you are not living a suppressed life. Try to deal with your mother patiently. Don’t react and keep your calm. Talk to your dad about this issue. I think he is the one who can persuade your mom to be lenient with you. I hope, with the passage of time, you will see a positive change in her behaviour. Good luck!
