The following behaviours can help you improve your listening skills…
TIPS AND TRICKS
Whoever said that we were given a single mouth yet a pair of ears so that we would talk less and listen more really knew what they were talking about (pun not intended).
Listening is an essential part of communication that enables us to learn, connect with others, and form relationships. Although scientific evidence and statistics to support such a claim aren’t available, but it definitely does seem that most people prefer to talk more than they like to listen. Talking is easy and fun, while listening – and I mean really listening – on the other hand, is hard. This is in part because humans have short attention spans which are easily diverted. Listening is actually a skill, and not all of us are born with it, which is why there are so many poor listeners. Listening isn’t simply the act of hearing the words coming out of someone’s mouth; rather it implies being fully committed, engaged, and interested.
The following behaviours can help you improve your listening skills…
Manage appropriate facial expressions
Some time ago, I was watching a news program where an anchorperson was interviewing the parents of a young woman who had been murdered. The anchor had a slight smile on her face which was extremely odd. As expected, there were comments of disbelief at her ‘inappropriate expression’ while listening to grief-struck parents speaking about their child’s unfortunate death. I am assuming the anchorperson was expected to appear pleasant and amicable as part of her job, but in this case it struck as absolutely peculiar and inacceptable. As we listen keenly to someone, we become aware of the context and must manage our facial expressions accordingly. For example, if a friend is telling you about her promotion at work, you may want to nod and smile widely as a way to show your support and happiness for her.
Display open body language
Your body should be faced towards the speaker and be open and positive. Your hands should not be folded across which is a sign of defensive body language. You must not touch or play with the features on your face such as your nose. Your body must be relaxed and not constantly moving, which depicts anxiety and impatience. You must not make any unpleasant sounds such as by tapping your shoes or cracking your knuckles. Positive and proper body language is especially important in formal conversations and contexts such as with an employer or employee, teacher, customer service provider or any person of authority. However, with close friends and family, one can be relaxed in certain aspects.
Maintain eye contact
It is common for people to look around or glance at their phones while someone is talking to them. This is not a good listening etiquette. You must look at the speaking person directly with a gaze that is not too intense but shows interest. Some people find continuous eye contact uncomfortable; therefore, you may glance at the background for half a second or so at regular intervals to provide a break.
Listen to understand, not to reply
Most people listen to reply. When someone is speaking, they are thinking of what they will say next and formulating their replies. We humans are all too keen to share our side of the story. When someone is speaking, you must make a commitment to understand them.
Refrain from letting your thoughts take control
As you are listening, a random thought pops up in your brain, takes over, and now you have drifted off – you are simply listening to words without comprehension. Shake thoughts off as soon as they arise. Keep your mind focused on understanding the speaker. Be like a sponge and absorb everything.
Do not interrupt the speaker
One of the most important rules of conversation is that you must never interrupt the speaker. Let them finish completely, then say what you have to. Interrupting is extremely rude, and if one develops a reputation for it, then people dread speaking with such a person.
Give feedback as you are listening
You must not interrupt a speaker but you should absolutely provide feedback which shows that you are actively listening, understanding, and engaged. Words such as “awesome”, “wow”, “hmm”, “right”, and similar expressions are acceptable as short responses during a one-on-one conversation. These should be spaced at appropriate intervals and not be so frequent that they become distracting.
Give an informed response
When the speaker has finished and come to a stop, it is now your turn. You should provide an enlightened response. Your reply must indicate that you listened actively. After this, you may ask a follow-up question or give your own view/opinion of the subject at hand.
Ask the right questions
You should ask questions to get a better understanding or for more (relevant) details. However, if you ask irrelevant or too many questions, the speaker might feel manipulated into revealing too much or offering information they didn’t intend to.
Do not dismiss a dull speaker
Listening is hard enough already. Now if a person is being tedious, you still owe them decency. Do not yawn or make your boredom apparent. Talking makes people feel good about themselves, so give them their moment of happiness by listening.
Listening helps you grow. You often do not gain much by speaking, but if you listen to someone else, you may just learn some amazing new things.
