Guru, what should I do? Should I tell him frankly that I will go out with him after we are married? I am just confused....
My fiancé is angry with me
Dear Guru,
I am a 21-year-old intelligent girl. I belong to a middle-class family. I graduated last year. I was offered a very good job, but I had to turn it down as my family is quite conservative and girls in our family are not allowed to work. I am engaged, so my mother wants me to sit at home and learn cooking and baking. I am supposed to get married in July 2023. Guru, my problem is that I am not very close to any member of my extended family. My mother is also somewhat reserved by nature. She does not like to participate in family get-togethers, and I guess I am like her. When someone comes to meet us, I don’t talk much, and feel left out in a gathering. I feel I am not liked by my cousins, uncles and aunts.
Another problem is related to my fiancé, H, who is also my cousin. He really likes me and he wants to meet me alone in a restaurant, but I always come up with some excuse and cancel our meet-up plans at the last minute. H is now fed up and is really angry with me. He wants me to gain some confidence so that after our marriage I would not feel awkward about going out or meeting people. I really love my fiancé; we have a good understanding and we talk on phone for hours, but I get cold feet whenever I think of going on a date with him. Guru, what should I do? Should I tell him frankly that I will go out with him after we are married? I am just confused.
Reserved Girl
Dear Reserved Girl,
Your fiancé is right; you should start working on gaining confidence. Actually, you are reserved by nature and that is one of the reasons why you avoid going to family get-togethers and meeting people. However, you can overcome your weakness by taking baby steps.
Since your mother is not the friendly sort, she has always kept you away from people and has created a bubble in which you have been living so far. It’s high time you start mixing with people. Don’t depend on your mother and try to maintain your own relations with your aunts and cousins. When they come over, talk to them. It will take you some time but soon you will realise that you are liked by everyone in the family.
As far as your fiancé is concerned, if you don’t feel comfortable in going out with him before marriage, instead of making excuses tell him the truth. He is angry with you because you always break your promise to meet, which is very wrong on your part. If you have a good understanding with him, I am sure he will appreciate your honesty and will not ask you to go out with him again till the time the two of you tie the knot. Good luck!
I am worried about my brother
Salam Guru,
I am a regular reader of your column. I am an 18-year-old college going girl and am really worried about my younger brother. Of late, he has been declining in his studies. I don’t know the real reason although I’ve asked him several times. He understands everything he studies, but he can’t reproduce it in his tests and exams. Teachers say that he is alert in class and answers all the questions put to him, but when it comes to writing he has problems. My parents and I are worried about him and his future. What should we do?
Concerned Sister
Dear Concerned Sister,
I really appreciate your concern for your brother. I think your parents should meet your brother’s teachers and discuss the problem with them. If it’s some issue he is facing in school, the teachers will deal with it. If it’s a problem even they cannot understand, take your brother to a good psychologist. The psychologist will figure out what the real problem is. In the meantime, give him all the moral support he possibly needs.
Good luck
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